


Find The Light

by righteousbros



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Photographer, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Drug Use, First Time, M/M, Rimming, Switching, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-11 22:01:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/righteousbros/pseuds/righteousbros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared is an accomplished fashion photographer in New York who meets Jensen, a sixteen year old model who Jared decides to take under his wing.  He wants to help Jensen and protect him from the dark side of the industry, but at the same time he can’t ignore the undeniable attraction between them.  He knows it wrong, but the more time they spend together the more it seems like nothing in his world could be more right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

 “Jared, we should be all set to go in five.”

“Thanks Trish.”

Jared took one last sip of his latte before tossing the empty cup in the trash and brushing his hair out of his eyes.  Time to get to down to work. 

Cynthia Hofstadter had asked him to do her a favor by filling in last minute when her regular photographer had gotten delayed flying back from a shoot in San Paulo.  Jared hadn’t gotten this far in his career at the age of twenty-seven by turning down the opportunity to have the senior photo editor for Haute Teen Magazine owe him one.  Normally he’d have no interest in doing this kind of job.  A two page spread which would accompany an article entitled What His Underwear Says About Him wasn’t exactly the kind of thing he would be excited about adding to his portfolio.  He preferred more editorial work that allowed him to really challenge himself artistically.  But as a freelance photographer, a big part of his job was maintaining the right kind of industry connections and Cynthia had those in spades.

As an added bonus, the studio space that Haute Teen had allocated for the shoot had some truly amazing natural light.  One full wall was floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the rooftops of its Chelsea neighborhood.  Jared’s fingers were already itching to get a hold of his camera.

“Alright!  Let’s get this show on the road,” he announced, clapping his hands and rubbing them together enthusiastically.  He turned to his assistant Trish, “Who are today’s victims?”

“We have three for you,” she said checking the notes on her ever-present iPad.  Trish was a recent School of Visual Arts grad who’d tracked him down through a friend of a friend and basically harassed him nonstop for two weeks until he agreed to hire her.  She had Bettie Page bangs and had a mind that would intimidate a hard drive.  “They’re finishing up with the hair and makeup crew right now.  Kerr Smith, Justin Hartley, and Jensen Ackles; portraying Boxers, Boxer Briefs, and Briefs respectively.”

“Wonderful,” he deadpanned, his formally upbeat mood instantly dampening.  He strode past her towards the set with a sigh.

He’d never worked with Kerr before but heard positive things about him through the grapevine.  The fashion industry in New York City for male models was a surprisingly small world. 

Justin Hartley however was another matter entirely.  That kid was a spoiled brat.  Spawn of a former B-level rock star and a C-level soap opera actress, Justin was the embodiment of the kind of young pseudo-celebrity that was famous for not much more than being famous.  His more recent entree into modeling had come after a fledgling career of club promoting had been curtailed by a DUI in West Hollywood.  His parents and their attorneys had quickly and quietly made it disappear.  At eighteen years old he was already jaded, arrogant, and shallow.  However, he did have the kind of California blonde good looks to almost compensate for his attitude so Jared was occasionally forced to tolerate him.

Jensen Ackles was a name he hadn’t heard before.  He just hoped the kid wouldn’t be another Justin in the making.

Jared took his position behind the tripod, checking the settings on his camera and framing the stark white backdrop at the angle he wanted it.  “Trish, you can send them in.”

The boys walked out from the dressing room and Jared took stock of them as they filed onto the set.  As he’d instructed they were all shirtless, with jeans and plain white sneakers.  Kerr’s boy-next-door look was exactly what he had pictured for Boxer Guy.  Justin already seemed vaguely annoyed and bored but he’d clearly been working on his abs so at least he could play up the sex appeal for Boxer Briefs Guy.  And Jensen was…

That’s where Jared’s mind had a total system failure.

He was perfection.  There was no other word for it.  Creamy smooth skin and dark blonde hair that was just barely long enough for strands of it to fall carelessly across his forehead.  Lean muscled body with noticeably bowed legs that made him distinct.  Classical bone structure the likes of which would have earned a gold seal of approval from Leonardo Da Vinci.  Lips…holy fuck those lips.  They were plump and pouty and just obscene on such an innocent young face.

Jared worked with a lot of absurdly attractive people, part of the perks of being a photographer.  Jensen made them all pale by comparison.

“Jared?” Trish asked, interrupting his runaway thoughts.  “Are we all set?”

Suddenly he realized that he was staring like a slack-jawed creep while Jensen and the other boys were just standing around waiting expectantly for his instructions.

“Right,” he said snapping back to reality.  He was a professional and he needed to remember how to act like one.  He stepped out from behind the camera to address his models. 

“Hi guys,” he smiled warmly, hoping to set an easy tone for the shoot.  “Nice to see you again, Justin,” he said giving him a short nod.  “For those of you who I haven’t met before, I’m Jared and I’ll be filling in for Joao today as he was unavoidably detained.  We’re going to start with a few simple establishing shots of the three of you with the jeans on and then we’ll have you lose them to feature the underwear.  We’re going for sexy of course but also fun and a little bit cheeky.  Sound good?”

Things got underway and for a while everything was going great, even better than Jared had expected.  He shot the guys with their arms draped casually over each other’s shoulders as if they’d been friends forever, all big smiles and laughing eyes.  Justin even caught Kerr in a playful headlock that Jared thought might ultimately be the shot he’d choose.  Then it came time for them to drop trou.

“Okay, guys.  Now we’re going to move on to the underwear.  I want to change the mood here and introduce a little more flirtatiousness.  Go ahead and line up against the wall there and let your jeans just kind of puddle around your feet.”  Jared waited as the three of them followed his instructions.  He noticed that Jensen looked much more nervous than the other boys by the way he hesitated and the slight blush that pinked up his cheeks.  Maybe he didn’t have as much experience with this as the other boys did?  Jared did his best not to ogle him and make him feel even more uncomfortable.  It wasn’t an easy thing at all to do with the way Jensen’s briefs left very little to the imagination.

“Good.  That looks good,” he told them.  “Space yourselves out a little more evenly.  Keep your stance about shoulder-width apart, hands folded behind your back.  The expression I’m looking for is confident.  But don’t take it too far,” Jared glanced at over at Justin.  “Confidence is sexy but smug is definitely not.” 

Justin glared at him but he did as he was told, lifting his chin up slightly in defiance.  Just the cocky little expression on his face that Jared was looking for.

Jared had discussed this shot with Cynthia specifically because he wanted to go slightly more artistic with it.  She loved his concept.  They’d chosen bright primary colors for each different style.  Royal blue for Kerr’s boxers, Lamborghini yellow for Justin’s boxer briefs, and lipstick red for Jensen’s briefs.  Trish would apply a black and white filter to the shot, leaving the fabric of the underwear as the only splashes of color to really make them pop.  He see could the finished piece in his head.  The lineup of fit young men standing like soldiers at parade rest projected an air of the more traditional masculine stereotype but the fact that they were captured there literally with their pants down left them exposed and vulnerable to the viewer.  The juxtaposition of the two themes together would make for a very interesting image.  His camera snapped away rapidly until he was satisfied that he had one he liked.

Jared glanced towards Trish to gage her reaction to the shot.  He trusted her instincts implicitly.   She gave him a subtle thumbs up in response. 

“Okay!  Nice job guys,” he smiled at them brightly.  “I think we got that one.  Now we’re going to have you lose the pants entirely.  This time I want you to have some fun with it.  Work your angles, interact with each other, you know just whatever feels natural.”

He let them have free reign while he switched to a handheld camera and shot them from a variety of angles.  In his experience sometimes those moments of improvisation and creativity from his models ended up reaping some really great images.  He was interested to see what they’d come up with.

Kerr and Justin posed and played around with it, crouching down on the balls of their feet, sprawling out on the floor, leaning against each other, flexing, and creating some nice angles between them.  Jensen however, just couldn’t seem to make it work.  His posture practically broadcasted the fact that he was tense and uncomfortable.  Every time he slipped into a new pose and Jared started to see something promising happening, Justin or Kerr would lean a certain way or step into his eyeline and Jensen would shrink back.  He seemed really intimidated by the two of them. 

Justin in particular was blocking Jensen unnecessarily.  Jared tried to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn’t doing it intentionally; that is until Justin lifted his arms above his head in a posed stretch, flexing his muscles and casting a shadow across Jensen.  The little smirk on his face told Jared exactly what was going on inside that thick skull of his.  Justin had obviously figured out that Jensen was inexperienced at this like Jared had, so he was taking the opportunity to make it abundantly clear who the alpha dog of the shoot was.

“Hey Jensen,” Jared said.  “Why don’t you come around on the other side of Justin there and see how that feels.”

Jensen did as he was told, taking his place to the right of Justin so that he had a little more room and wasn’t so crowded in by the older boys.  Justin pursed his lips but didn’t say anything.  Jared couldn’t help but take a little bit of pleasure in ruining the big jerk’s fun.

A few more snaps of the camera and Jensen started to finally come into his own.  He had some great instincts and his face was simply amazing, but he didn’t quite seem to know what to do with his body.  His poses weren’t bad at all really.  Jared would definitely have some good options to choose from when he went back and looked over the footage, but he sensed that Jensen was still holding back.  There was so much potential there that the young man just hadn’t mastered yet.  Jared wanted to say something to him, but he was afraid that if he singled out Jensen for critique in front of the other guys it would make him retreat into himself even further.  Instead, he tried for a different approach.

“Good.  I think we’re good here,” he told them.  “Just one more thing.  I want to get some shots of each of you individually, just so Haute Teen has as many different options as we can give them.  Justin, I’ll start with you.  Then Kerr and then Jensen.”

Trish sent him a questioning look.  This was not on the schedule. 

Jared gave her a small shrug like it was no big deal, and it wasn’t really.  It wouldn’t be the first time that he’d gone off book during a shoot before when he felt particularly inspired by something. 

As he did Justin’s individual shots, rolling his eyes when Justin hooked his thumb into the waistband of his boxer briefs and tugged them just a little lower than the editors at Haute Teen would appreciate, he told himself that all this had nothing to do with wanting to spend some one-on-one time with Jensen.  He was just going to take the opportunity to give a promising young model some advice and get some extra footage for Cynthia to drool over.  Nothing sketchy about that at all. 

“Okay Justin, good work.  I’ve got what I need.”

Justin grinned, clearly pleased with himself.  “That’s right you did.  I was on fire.”

Jared didn’t bother wasting any more time with him to comment.  “You can go,” he said dismissing him.

Kerr really was a breeze to work with.  He smiled and flexed and took all of Jared’s directions extremely well.  He was every inch the all-American guy you could bring home to meet the folks.  Jared thought to himself that when this issue of the magazine was published Kerr was going to be gracing the walls of every little Haute Teen reader’s bedroom. 

“Great job man,” Jared said when they were done, shaking Kerr’s hand.  “You knocked this one out of the park.”

“Thank you.  I’m excited to see how it all turns out.  Nice working with you, Jared,”

“Yeah, you too.  I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around.”

Kerr waved goodbye to Jensen and headed for the dressing room to change back into his street clothes.  Then it was Jensen’s turn.

“So Jensen,” Jared began, turning to him.  “Why don’t we have you stand by the window over there.”

“Okay.” Jensen replied, taking his position.  He leaned against the wall by the windows where the sunlight shone through the brightest. 

When Jared looked through the viewfinder, Jensen nearly took his breath away.  The sunshine was painting golden highlights in his hair and it made his eyes look like the color of spring grass.  Jared took a deep breath.  He needed to get a hold of himself if he was going to make it through this without doing something embarrassing like saying any of that out loud.

”Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Jared offered, hoping some light conversation would distract them both.  “Where are you from?”

“Um, Texas.  Richardson, Texas.”

“Oh yeah?  I’m from San Antonio.”

Jensen perked up at that.  “Really?”

“Yeah.  I’ve lived in New York for a long time now though so I don’t have much of an accent left.  But I still catch the Cowboys on TV whenever I can.”

Jensen smiled the first honest smile Jared had seen on his face.  It was stunning, like someone had turned a light on inside him.  Jared snapped a shot of it quickly before it disappeared again.

Jensen propped one leg up with his foot on the wall behind him, relaxing a bit into a more casual stance.  Yes, this was more of what Jared had been hoping for. 

“That’s great,” Jared encouraged him.  “Tilt your head up just a little bit more.  Remember, as a model the light is your friend.  It’s your job to always find it and make it work for you.  No matter what arrogant ass you’re modeling with.”

Jensen gave him another smile and Jared felt like he was on top of the world.

He took a few more shots and then Jensen shifted to give him something new.  He lifted his arms above his head, crossing his wrists one over the other against the wall like they were pinned there.  Jared nearly swallowed his tongue. 

Somehow he managed to find the shutter button in order to immortalize it.  It was just not fair for a guy this naturally beautiful, no – this _kid_ , because he was definitely younger than the other models – to look so unconsciously sensual like that. 

“Jensen, how old are you?” he asked.  Might as well figure out exactly what level of Hell he was going to for imagining what it would be like to be pinning the young man against the wall like that with his own hands.  Biting at those bee-stung lips.  Grinding against his teenage cock trapped inside those bright red briefs.  Sweet Jesus, he was in trouble.

Jensen tensed a bit.  “Sixteen.”

Major trouble.  Career-ending trouble.  “Sixteen?” he repeated, hoping he hadn’t heard right.  He’d never felt an attraction so strong to anyone before, certainly not anyone so much younger than him.  It was all kinds of wrong. 

Jensen dropped his arms to his sides, suddenly nervous again.  “Is that not okay?  My mom signed all the paperwork your assistant faxed over.”

“No!  No that’s fine,” Jared assured him.  Models usually started working young.  That was no surprise.  It’s just that he’d never seen one this young left unattended for an _underwear_ shoot.  Where the hell were his parents?  Someone clearly needed to protect this kid from perverts like…well like him.  Shit.  “Is your mom or dad coming to pick you up or something?”

“No,” Jensen admitted.  “I was just going to take the subway home when we’re done.”

“Where’s home?”

“West 168th and Ogden Avenue”

“The Bronx?” Jared asked incredulously.  That was a good hour away at least.

Jensen shrugged.  “It’s no big deal.  I do it all the time.”

It was completely irrational considering he’d just been fantasizing about ravaging Jensen against the wall, but Jared felt a sudden surge of protectiveness towards him.  He’d just met him but already this kid was getting him all twisted up inside.  “Listen, I think we’re good here.  How about I drive you home?  If you’re okay with that.”

“Are you sure?” Jensen asked hesitantly.  “You don’t have to.  I mean, that would be great but-“

“It’s fine.” Jared told him.  “Go on and get dressed.  I just need to pack up my gear and then we can go.”

Jensen looked so grateful, like Jared had just offered to drive him all the way to Texas instead of one of the worst sections of the South Bronx.   “I’ll be right out!” he said excitedly as he jogged off towards the dressing room.

Trish walked over, holding out his camera bag for him.  “What was all that about?”

“Oh nothing.  I just offered to give him a ride home.  Do you know anything about his parents?  You talked to his mom, right?”

“Yes.  Donna Ackles.  She’s a real piece of work,” Trish snorted delicately.  “She works nights or something.  No idea about his father.  I get the impression that he’s not in the picture.  She insisted that Jensen would be just fine here on his own.  Why?  Is anything the matter?”

“No, no he’s great.  Really great.  I was just wondering.”  Jared slid his camera snugly into the specially padded bag.  “You can tell the hair and makeup team that they can go.  I’ll proof these when I get home and upload the ones I want you to touch up.  We need to have the cream of the crop to show Haute Teen.”

“Good.  I should have them done by tomorrow morning.  You’re scheduled to meet with Cynthia tomorrow at three o’clock.”

Jensen walked out of the dressing room wearing his own jeans and an ash grey t-shirt.  “All set!” he called out.  His face was washed clean of the heavy makeup they’d used for the shoot. 

Holy shit he had a lot of freckles.  They were like a dusting of cinnamon sugar across the bridge of his nose.  Jared almost wished that he hadn’t seen them.  Now all he was going to be thinking about on the drive over was all the places that more of those tiny little freckles might be hiding.

Jared slung the strap of his bag over his shoulder, sighing inwardly.  What in the hell had he gotten himself into?

~~~

They were driving along the West Side Highway in Jared’s shiny silver Mercedes Kompressor but to Jensen it felt like they were flying.  The city whizzed by outside his window, a blur of color and life.  It was exhilarating. 

He’d never been in a car this expensive before.  He should have been freaked to be driving around in it with a guy who was pretty much a total stranger, but for some reason he wasn’t at all.  Jared was such a cool guy and super nice to take an interest in him.  And he was…well, really amazingly hot.  Movie star hot.  Jensen just wanted to be around him as long as he possibly could before he snapped out of whatever dreamworld he’d wandered into.

“So Jensen, how long have you been modeling?” Jared asked him.

“A while,” he shrugged.  “I started when I was a lot younger, doing catalog stuff for little kid’s clothes in Dallas.  I stopped for a while when I got into middle school and we were living with my mom’s boyfriend.  He didn’t like it.  But then he left about two years ago and we moved to New York so I could do it full time.”

Jared frowned, his eyes still focused on the road in front of him.  “And what about school?”

Jensen hated answering questions about school.  Everyone ended up looking at him like he was some kind of weirdo.  “I home school.  That way if my agent calls to tell me that I have a go-see I can just up and go.”  And he didn’t have to deal with assholes calling him names or pushing him into lockers anymore.

“That makes sense I guess,” Jared allowed.  He sounded a little unsure but thankfully he let it drop.  “What about brothers or sisters?”

Jensen bit the inside of his lip.  His life was way too complicated for normal conversation.  “I have an older half-brother and a younger half-sister, but I’ve never met them.  They live in Dallas with my real dad.” 

“Oh,” Jared glanced to him with concern in his eyes.  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No.  It’s cool,” Jensen said quickly.  He desperately wanted to change the subject.  “Um, thanks again for giving me a ride.  I hope it’s not too far out of your way.”

Jared shifted a bit in his seat.  “Don’t worry about it.”

Yikes.  It must be really out of his way then.  “Where do you live?”

“Brooklyn” Jared admitted.  “I have a loft on Water St near the Manhattan Bridge.  Ever been down around there?”

“No,” Jensen answered.  He was a little nervous to actually ask what he wanted to next.  “So, do you live there alone or like with a girlfriend or whatever?”

“I live alone.”  Jared took his eyes off the road for a second to look Jensen in the eye.  “Girls…they really aren’t my thing.  I hope that doesn’t bother you.”

“No!” Jensen exclaimed.  “I mean, it doesn’t bother me at all.”  He was almost giddy he was so happy but struggled as best he could to maintain his cool.  Averting his eyes, he fiddled with the strap of his seatbelt.  “Girls really aren’t my thing either,” he added with deliberate nonchalance.

“Oh.  That’s cool.” Jared replied simply. 

Jensen snuck a look at him out of the corner of his eye.  He had a soft little smile on his face as he turned the car into Jensen’s neighborhood.  It made something flutter in Jensen’s stomach.

He directed Jared to his apartment building, his mind already scrambling for some excuse to see him again.  Why would someone like Jared ever want to hang out with someone like him?

Jared pulled the car up to the curb and put it in park.  He paused for a minute, and turned in his seat to face Jensen.  “If you don’t mind me asking, have you ever done an underwear shoot like the one we did today?”

Oh god.  He must have been really crappy at it if Jared noticed enough to say something to him.  “Not really.  Was I that bad?”

“No!  Not at all,” Jared said quickly.  “It’s just that I’ve been doing this for a while now and I could tell that you were nervous.  You shouldn’t be though.  You did good for your first time out.  You just need a little more experience and I think you’ll really be something special.”

Jensen smiled in relief.  “Thanks.  My agent said I needed to do it if I want people to start taking me seriously.  I really want to book bigger jobs so my mom doesn’t have to work so much anymore.”

Jared furrowed his brow and moved to rest a hand on the back of Jensen’s seat.  “You shouldn’t have to worry about stuff like that.  Listen…if you want, I’m going to a party this weekend at a friend’s house in the Hamptons.  There will be a lot of fashion people there that I could introduce you to.  It couldn’t hurt to network a little and get your name out there.”

“Really?”  Jensen could barely contain his excitement.  “You think that’ll help?  You think they’ll like me?”

Jared gave a short chuckle.  “They’ll love you.  As soon as they get one look at you they’ll be beating down your door.” 

His eyes danced over Jensen’s face.  Jensen couldn’t tell if they were green or blue.  He’d been almost sure that they were honey-colored before.  It reminded him of a song his mom's ex-boyfriend used to play about a girl with kaleidoscope eyes.  He bit his bottom lip, letting his teeth drag over it to stop himself from mentioning his thoughts out loud.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Jared said, his voice thicker than it had been a second ago.

Jensen blushed, warmth pooling pleasantly in his belly.  “Guys aren’t _beautiful_.”

“Sometimes they are,” Jared replied softly.  His fingertips dug into the supple leather on Jensen’s seatback for a moment longer and then he pulled back, fishing a business card from his wallet.  He held it out for Jensen to take.  “Here.  My cell number is on the back if your mom wants to give me a call about the party or…if you want to call me about whatever.  Otherwise, I’ll pick you up here on Saturday at noon.  You should warn her, we might not get back until late.  East Hampton is a bit of a hike from here.”

Jensen took his card and their fingers brushed just slightly.  His skin tingled where it had touched Jared’s.  He cleared his throat nervously.  “Thanks.  I’m sure my mom will be cool with it.  Anything to help my career, you know?  So I’ll see you Saturday?”

“Yeah, see you then,” Jared smiled.

Jensen nodded and got out of the car.  He waved as Jared pulled away, the silver paint job of his Mercedes catching the late afternoon light just so, making it glitter like the scales of some exotic fish in the middle of a drab little pond.

Jensen stared down at the card in his hand.  It felt like he’d stumbled across one of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets. 

He turned and ran full speed through the building and up the stairs to his apartment, grinning all the while from ear to ear. 

“MOM!  You’ll never guess what happened!”


	2. Part 2

When Jared arrived at Jensen’s apartment on Saturday Jensen was already standing by the curb waiting for him.  He was wearing khaki pants, a white button-down shirt, and a pale green tie.  He looked good enough to eat. 

As soon as he put the car in park a woman emerged from the apartment building.  She had brassy blond hair piled high on top of her head in a messy bun and she was dressed in a pink flowery kimono-style wrap.  She could only be Donna Ackles.

Awesome.  Now he was going to have to face the woman whose son was the reason he came all over his shower door this morning.  Jared fixed a smile on his face and hopped out of the car.  “Hey!”

“Hey,” Jensen said shoving his hands in his pockets.  “Um, my mom wanted to meet you.”

“Of course,” Jared stepped up to the bottom of the stoop where she was standing and extended his hand to her.  “Hello!  You must be Jensen’s mom.  Nice to meet you, I’m Jared Padalecki.”

“Call me Donna,” she said, shaking his hand.  She assessed him coolly with her flat green eyes.  There was something hard about her and worn around the edges, like she’d had more than her share of hard knocks in life and wasn’t afraid to dish some out herself.  Then in a flash it was gone, replaced by a sultry smile and a slight shrug of her shoulder which caused the top of her wrap to slip open just a tad wider when she released Jared’s hand.  “You’ll have to excuse my appearance!  I’m a cocktail waitress you know, so I’m usually trying to catch up on my beauty rest about now but I just _had_ to meet you.  JR’s been going on and on about you.”

“Mom!” Jensen groaned, hunching his shoulders up in embarrassment.

JR, huh?  Jared chuckled to himself.  “Well I have to say I was pretty impressed with him when I met him the other day at the Haute Teen shoot.  They were impressed with him too.”

“Really?” Jensen asked excitedly.

“Of course they were,” she crooned.  “He takes after my side of the family that way.  You know I did the pageant circuit when I was his age and I turned quite a few of those judges’ heads while I was at it.”  She batted her eyelashes at Jared and folded her arms under her breasts, pushing them up like she was serving them on a platter for him.

“I’m sure you did,” Jared replied politely.  He did his best to keep his eyes trained on her face.  Trish was right; she was a real piece of work.  “Well with your permission, I’m hoping to introduce Jensen to some very influential people at this party today.  The kind of people who could really help his career if they took a liking to him, which I’m confident that they will.”

“Yes, yes!  And aren’t you just the sweetest thing to offer!” she said excitedly.  “Now you take good care of my boy.”

“Mom,” Jensen whined.

“Yes ma’am I will,” Jared promised her.

“Jensen Ross, you come here and give your momma a kiss goodbye.”

Jensen rolled his eyes but did as he was told, giving her a light peck on the cheek.  “See you later.”

“Give me a call if you’re going to stay out past eleven.”

“Okay.”

She waved to them as they drove away, the pink satin sleeve of her robe billowing from her outstretched arm.

Jensen was quiet until they came to a stop at the next intersection.  “Sorry about my mom,” he apologized.  “I know she can be a bit much.”

“Not at all,” Jared told him.  “She seemed…nice.”

Jensen glanced at him skeptically like even he didn’t believe that for a moment.

“You look good,” Jared offered, changing the subject.  “You might want to lose the tie though.  It’s a little formal for this shindig.”

“Oh okay.”  Jensen slipped the tie off and opened the top button of his shirt.  He folded the tie up carefully in his hands, not sure what to do with it.

“Here,” Jared said, popping open the center console.  “Stash it in there.”

“Thanks.”  Jensen leaned over and dropped it in. 

Jared could just make out a trace of the cologne he was wearing.  Something woodsy and warm that made him want to bury in nose in Jensen’s neck and keep it there for a year or two.  He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

“Are you excited for the party?” Jared asked.

Jensen beamed up at him, eyes twinkling.  “Hell yeah!”

“Good,” Jared smiled back.  “This should be fun.”

~~~

Two hours later, they pulled into the pebbled driveway of a large stately home that looked big enough to double as a small exclusive hotel.  The drive was littered with cars that Jensen had only ever seen in magazines. 

“A friend of yours lives here?” Jensen asked, staring up at the house in awe.

“She’s an old friend of my mother’s,” Jared said as he unfolded himself from the car. 

As they crossed the threshold of the house Jensen balked in the doorway, momentarily stunned by what he saw.  The interior was all dark rich wood and pure white furnishings.  The entire back wall of the enormous main room was thick glass with sliding doors that opened out onto a patio overlooking the beach.  The Atlantic Ocean was deep blue and as calm as a lake all the way out to the horizon.  His view was only obscured by the crowd of people that flitted like beautiful birds in and out of every room, decked out in colorful silks and crisp linens.  They swayed in time to the steady bass rhythm of the music that seemed to permeate the house.  Everyone was talking loudly and excitedly to each other, flashing overly white teeth.  Jensen had never felt more out of place in his life.

Suddenly he felt a large hand on his shoulder and the gentle tickle of warm breath next to his ear.

“You’re just as good as any one of them, and better than most.” Jared whispered.

Jensen ducked his head bashfully.  It was like Jared could read his mind or something.  “Thanks.”

Jared squeezed his shoulder affectionately before letting his hand drop.  “Come on.  Let’s go show you off.”

~~~

About an hour into the party after Jared had introduced him to what felt like over a dozen people, a woman’s voice rang out over the crowd behind Jensen’s shoulder.  “Jared, darling!  You came!  I’m so happy.”

An older woman in a pale blue kaftan approached them with a glass of champagne and glittering rings on all her fingers.  Her perfectly coiffed auburn hair fell in waves down to her shoulders.  She reached up and hugged Jared, standing up on the toes of her golden sandals.

“Gloria!  Long time no see,” Jared said with genuine warmth in his voice.  “You look as stunning as ever.”

“Ugh, I’m an old bag,” she sighed heavily.  “But you’re a doll for saying so.  Now who is this you’ve brought me?”

Jared put a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, nudging him forward.  “Gloria this is Jensen Ackles.  Jensen this is Gloria Gallico, our hostess.  She’s one of the founding designers of BVG Couture and she gave me my start in the business.”

“You earned your start, sweetheart.  I just gave your portfolio to the right people,” she said simply.  She extended a well-manicured hand to Jensen.  “Pleasure to meet you.”

He took her hand and kissed it like he’d seen in a movie once, hoping to impress her.  “The pleasure’s all mine ma’am.”

She giggled girlishly when he released her and slapped the back of her hand lightly at Jared’s chest, her clear blue eyes never leaving Jensen’s face.  “Oh Jay, he’s precious!  Where have you been hiding him?”

“We just met the other day,” Jared told her.  “He’s a model and I thought it might be a good idea to bring him here and have him meet some people.”

“Well obviously he’s a model, darling.  A blind woman could see that,” she said. 

She reached out and caught Jensen’s chin gently between her thumb and forefinger, turning his head from side to side to inspect him.  “With that profile…and those lips…,” she said thoughtfully.  “Yes, I think you’ll go quite far, precious.”  She patted his cheek with a motherly fondness. 

“Thank you, ma’am.” he said, suddenly feeling shy under her close scrutiny.

“Call me GG, all my friends do.  Jared just calls me Gloria because I’ve known him since before he was born.”  She smiled turning back to Jared.  “How is my Sherri?”

“Mom’s doing great,” he said, his face lighting up with obvious love.  “Her latest gallery show sold out.”

“GG!  There you are!  I’ve been looking all over for you.”

They were suddenly joined by a short olive-skinned man in linen pants and a butter yellow shirt.  He looked to be in his mid-thirties and his voice boasted a heavy Italian accent.  He kissed both of Gloria’s cheeks in greeting.

“Cal, so good of you to come,” she said, ever the consummate hostess.  “Boys, this is Calogera Favale.  He’s a buyer for Volterra Milan.  Cal, this is my godson Jared Padalecki.  He’s an immensely talented photographer, and far too modest to say so.  This is his young model friend Jensen…what was it my dear?”

“Ackles,” Jensen supplied, shaking the man’s hand.  “Jensen Ackles.”

“Hello,” Cal said, looking him up and down.  “I’ve haven’t seen you here before.”

“Ah no,” Jared said, edging a bit closer.  He took Cal’s hand and shook it firmly.  “You wouldn’t have.  He’s fairly new to this whole scene.”  Jared shot Jensen a glance.  “But he’s definitely someone worth knowing.”

“I can see that,” Cal commented, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

Jensen smiled and tried to fight off the blush that he felt creeping across his cheeks.  Jared was pretty much the most amazing person he’d ever met.

~~~

Hours later, Jared was talking to the in-house photographer for Cosmo and a group of his friends when he suddenly looked around and realized that Jensen was nowhere to be seen.  Fuck!  How long had he been gone?

“Excuse me,” he said, interrupting their conversation.  “Did you see where my friend went?  Jensen?”

“Um…I think he said he was going to find a restroom,” one woman said.  “But that was a while ago.”

Jared thanked her and slipped away from the crowd to find Jensen.  He’d been so wrapped up in the other photographer’s stories that he hadn’t noticed him wander off. 

He searched all the rooms on the first floor and the patio, waving off several people who tried to get him to stop and chat.  It was already dark outside and the wind had kicked up over the water, creating short choppy waves.  He hoped to God that Jensen wasn’t somewhere walking along the beach.  It was pitch black out there.  But hey, the kid was probably fine.  He was probably overreacting.  Just in case, Jared took the stairs up to the second floor two at a time.

He was halfway down the hall when he passed an open doorway of one of the guest bedrooms.  Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Jensen and it stopped him cold.  He was sitting on the bed with Calogera, who was kissing Jensen’s neck.  Jensen had his hands around the man’s wrists, trying to hold him off.

Jared had never been a particularly violent man but seeing that guy all over Jensen like that had the same effect on him as waving a red flag in front of a bull.  He charged into the room and grabbed Cal by the collar of his shirt, yanking him right off the bed and sending him sprawling onto the floor.  “Get the fuck away from him!”

“Jared!” Jensen gasped.

“Stavo solo giocando intorno!  Niente di male lo giuro!” Cal stammered in italian.  “What the hell is your problem?”

“Don’t you dare lay a hand on him ever again, Favale!  Now get out!”

Calogera scrambled out of the room without giving either of them a second glance.

Jared whirled around to face Jensen, his hands still shaking slightly with adrenaline.  “Are you okay?  Did he hurt you?”

“No.”  Jensen flopped backward on the bed, hands covering his face in embarassment.  “Jesus Christ, Jared.”

Jared sat down next to him, wanting to reach out and hold him close but not trusting himself to.  “Tell me what happened.”

Jensen dropped his hands and blew out a burst of air in frustration.  “Was on my way back from the bathroom and…ran into him in the hall,” he began, slurring his words a bit.  “He said he wanted me to try this liquor that his father makes.  He brought it with him special.”

Jared leaned down and sniffed at him.  His smelled strongly of alcohol and lemons.  “Let me guess, limoncello?”

“Thas the one!” Jensen nodded enthusiastically.  “It tastes like lemonade kinda but it burns your throat.”

Jared sighed.  “Yeah, that’s cause that particular lemonade is about 60 proof.  How much did you drink?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen said shaking his head.  “I think the bottle is still out on the landing somewhere.”  He sat up, slightly wobbly.  “Anyway…then Cal dragged me in here and started touching my face all over and kissing my ear.”  Jensen grimaced.  “It was kinda gross.” 

Jared grabbed him by his shoulders.  “Do you have any idea what could have happened if I hadn’t walked in just now?”

Jensen frowned angrily, pushing Jared’s hands away.  “I can take care of myself!  I’ve punched out assholes bigger than him who thought they could pick on me!  I’m not a fucking kid!”

“Hey!  Hey!  Calm down,” Jared urged him.  “I didn’t say that you were.”

Jensen quieted, staring down at the bedspread.  “I’ve never been kissed like that before.  It wasn’t so bad at first, until he started slobbering all over me.  I could’ve stopped him sooner, I guess.  I don’t know.”  He looked up at Jared anxiously.  “Are you pissed at me?”

Jared swallowed back the bitter taste of jealousy in his mouth.  He knew he didn’t get a say in who Jensen let kiss him, but he had promised his mom to look out for him.  “I’m pissed that you got drunk.  That was a stupid thing to do.”

Jensen looked away, shame evident on his face.

“And I’m pissed as hell at him,” Jared continued.  “If you ask me, he’s a grade-A asshole for getting you drunk and then trying to push himself on you.  Good guys don’t do that.”  Jared dragged a hand over his face wearily.  “You deserve better than him.  But that’s not up to me, I guess.  If you like him-“

“No!” Jensen exclaimed, grabbing Jared’s forearm.  “Not really.  I mean it felt good for a moment, but it wasn’t about him so much.  Just that it was another person.  But I didn’t really want _him_ to be that person.  Does that make any sense?”

Jared blew out a shaky breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.  “Yeah, I think it does.”

“Good.  ‘Cause I was going to stop him.  I was trying to when you walked in.”  Jensen tugged on his arm, green eyes staring up at him imploringly.  “I’m sorry I let him kiss me.  I’m so sorry.”

“Jensen, I’m mad about the drinking but that’s it.  You don’t have to apologize to me for the rest of it.”

“It feels like I do,” he insisted.  Jensen’s eyes filled with tears of frustration.  “You don’t understand.  I didn’t want it to be him because I wanted it to be you.  It should have been you.  That’s what I’m sorry for.”

“Jen-“

Jared was cutoff when Jensen yanked his arm hard, pulling him forward into a kiss.  For a split-second all he registered was surprise but then he felt the firm pressure of Jensen’s mouth and his brain short-circuited.  He froze, incapable of stopping it but terrified of what he’d do if he let himself kiss back.  Jensen’s lips slid silky soft against his, enticing him to move.  He tasted like lemons and summer and innocence.  It took all of Jared’s self control not to just yield to the overwhelming temptation.  Jensen shifted, bringing his body in closer, seeking more.  Jared could feel the warmth of him as he drew nearer and it snapped him right out of his stupor.

He pulled back a few inches, breaking the kiss.  “Jensen, stop.”

“Did I do it wrong?” Jensen asked, still close enough that his breath tickled over Jared’s lips.

“No, that’s not…“

Jared had to back off and quickly.  He could barely think straight with Jensen so close.  He stood up and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get a hold of himself. 

Jensen was drunk.  He might not even really understand what he was doing.  By tomorrow he might regret everything.  If Jared took advantage of him like this, he’d be no better than that asshole Cal.  But what if Jensen did know what he was doing and he actually wanted this as much as Jared himself did?  That was the thought that really made Jared panic.  He didn’t know what to do, so what he did was tell the biggest lie of his life.  “I don’t think about you like that.”

Jensen looked confused for a second and then absolutely crushed.  “Oh.”

Jared took a step back towards the door to stop himself from just scooping Jensen up in his arms.  It killed him to see Jensen look so sad, but part of him stubbornly insisted that what he was doing was the best thing for the both of them.  He needed to get out of that room and fast before he changed his mind.

“Listen, I can’t bring you home to your mom like this or we’ll both in big trouble.  You need to sleep it off.  We can stay here tonight and I’ll bring you home first thing in the morning.  Gloria’s got plenty of rooms.  I’m going to go find her and explain things.  It’s probably best if I called your mom and have Gloria speak to her too so she knows everything’s okay.  Sound good?”

Jensen nodded numbly, averting his eyes.

Something in Jared’s chest clenched.  “Everything’s going to be okay.”

He gave Jensen one last look before he left the room, shutting the door gently behind him.  He sagged against the doorframe for a moment to steady himself.

If this was the right thing to do, why did it make him feel like such a coward?


	3. Part 3

The ride home from the Hamptons the next morning was the longest one in Jared’s memory.  Jensen was quiet and sullen the entire time, staring out the window blankly.  When they arrived at Jensen’s apartment, Jared grabbed his shoulder before he could jump out of the car.  He couldn’t let things between them go like that.

“Jensen, please.  Hold up a minute.  We have to talk about this.”

Jensen paused with his hand on the door handle.  “What’s there to talk about?  You made things pretty clear last night.”

Jared sighed.  He wanted to take back rejecting Jensen with every fiber in his being but he just couldn’t.  “Does that mean we can’t be friends?  I really liked spending time with you this weekend.”

Jensen bit the inside of his cheek.  “I liked it too.”

“Good.  Cause I want you to know that no matter what you can always talk to me about anything.  I’m here for you.”

Jensen smiled ruefully, eyes still trained on the door handle.  “Thanks.”

“Are we okay then?”  He couldn’t have Jensen the way that he wanted to, but he found himself unable to imagine letting this sweet shy boy slip out of his life entirely. 

Jensen nodded.  “Yeah, we’re okay.”

“Okay.”  Jared relaxed a bit, satisfied for the moment that it wouldn’t be the last time they’d see each other.  “Send your mom my apologies again for keeping you out overnight.”

“She’s not home.” Jensen informed him.  “She spends most of her weekends at Brian’s.”

Jared blinked at him in confusion.  “Who’s Brian?”

“Brian Weintraub, my agent.  She works for him sometimes for extra money.  They’re…good friends.”  Jensen said, looking more than a little uncomfortable about the subject.

“Oh.”  The more he learned about Jensen’s mom the less he liked her.  “Okay, well whenever you see her then.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

Jared watched as Jensen climbed the steps to his apartment building and waited until he was safely inside before pulling away.  He’d barely known him a full week but Jensen already had him all tied up in knots inside.  He didn’t want to let him go, but maybe a little bit of healthy friend-zone distance between them was just what the doctor ordered.

~~~

Jensen walked into the little kitchenette in their apartment and emptied his pockets unto the countertop.  He had a collection of business cards from the party and one napkin with a phone number of someone or other scribbled hastily on it.  He knew his mom would want to see them and pass them along to Brian to follow up on.  Whenever it was that she got home, that is.

His head was still throbbing dully from last night but luckily he hadn’t embarrassed himself any further by getting sick in front of Jared.  He belly-flopped onto the pullout couch that doubled as his bed, moaning in misery.  He wanted to just crawl into a hole and die.

He was such a moron!  What the fuck had he been thinking to kiss Jared like that?  Of course Jared didn’t want him.  He was just a dumb kid.  Jared was smart, cultured, talented, out-going, and by the way – _smoking hot_.  He probably had guys throwing themselves at him all the time.

He thought about Jared and about their kiss.  At least he’d have that one memory to look back on and imagine how it could have been.  Jared had smelled so good and his lips had been so supple.  If he concentrated he could almost feel the phantom touch of them to his mouth.  He hadn’t gotten a chance to take the kiss any deeper at the time, but in his head he imagined twining his fingers in Jared’s silky brown locks and licking into his mouth.  His dick gave a little twitch of interest, growing hard at the image. 

Jensen flipped onto his back and dragged his jeans down his hips, cock springing free from his briefs.  He’d started wearing them instead of boxers ever since the underwear shoot where they’d met.  He began stroking himself slowly but firmly, taking his time.  Jared’s hands would be bigger of course, his fingers longer and thinner.  Jensen imagined that they were wrapped around him instead of his own, sliding up and down his shaft as those pink lips kissed him sweetly.  He touched himself pretending that it was Jared.  The wide pad of Jared’s thumb rubbing at the bundle of nerves under the head of his cock, smearing through the pre-come leaking from his slit.  The grip of Jared’s fist corkscrewing up Jensen’s length.  The smooth curve of Jared’s palm reaching down to cup his balls, tugging and rolling them gently.  He tossed his head back and shut his eyes as he jacked himself faster.  It was easier to picture Jared hovering above him that way, hair falling down around his face as he watched Jensen fall apart by his hand.  It felt so real, more intense than any fantasy he’d ever had before.  He came gasping Jared’s name.

As his mind slowly cleared from its post-orgasmic high, the reality of his situation sent him crashing back down to earth.  He felt even more pathetic than before and now his stomach was dripping with his own rapidly cooling come. 

“Fuck my life,” he sighed to the empty room.

That night, he was sitting at their tiny kitchen table picking at some two day old pizza and reading Nicholas Nickleby when his mom stumbled in drunk.  She was wearing the clothes she must have gone out in the night before, clearly too garish and revealing even for her usual everyday taste.

“Hey sweetie!”  She dropped her keys repeatedly on her way over to him.  Her heavy eye makeup was smudged, making her resemble a particularly clumsy raccoon. 

When she planted a kiss on his forehead he could smell the tequila and Brian’s cologne.  It turned Jensen’s stomach just like it always did.  “How’s Brian?” he asked dryly.

She cuffed him upside the head roughly.  “Don’t get fresh.  Now tell me about the party.”

Jensen winced and rubbed the spot where she’d struck him.  “It was cool,” he said, hoping that she wouldn’t press him for too many details.  He was a shitty liar.  “I got a bunch of contact numbers for you.  They’re on the counter over there.”

Donna snatched them up and shuffled through them like playing cards.  Jensen could practically hear the wheels turning in her head.  “Good job.  Brian will take care of things from here.”  She turned to lean against the counter and study him.  “Tell me more about this Jared guy.  He just decided to help us out of the goodness of his heart did he?”

Jensen shrugged nonchalantly and turned the page in his book.  His palms were sweaty and they squeaked faintly against the plastic library dust jacket.  “I guess so.  He’s a good guy.”

“Mm-hmm,” Donna hummed skeptically. 

Jensen jumped up and grabbed his hoodie off of the back of the couch.  He wanted to be anywhere but in that kitchen with her.  “I’m going down to the bodega on the corner.  We’re out of cereal.”

He fled the apartment like it was about to catch fire.

Donna watched him go without comment.  As soon as the door clicked shut behind him, she dug into her purse and pulled out her cell phone.

“Brian?  So what if _she’s_ there?  Just go to another room!  Okay, okay, shut up a second.  I need you to do something for me.  Find out everything you can about Jared Padalecki.”

~~~

A week and a half went by with Jared staring at his phone willing it to ring before Jensen finally called him.  When he answered, Jensen sounded like he was out of breath.

 “Hey, man.  How’s it going?”

“Good!  Busy.” Jensen said excitedly.  “I had a bunch of go-sees the past few days thanks to you.  Phew!  It’s murder out there.  Must be 100 degrees in the shade.  You could fry an egg on the sidewalk.”

“That’s why they call it a heatwave.  It’s hot,” Jared laughed.  “Why were you out in the middle of it?”

“I went for a run.  Brian got some feedback from one of the meetings saying that they liked me but they were looking for someone bigger, you know?  He says that from now on I need to work out more.  Get ripped.”

Jared didn’t like the sound of that one bit.  Jensen didn’t need to change a damn thing about himself.  He was perfect as he was.  “Are you sure you want to do that?  You look great.  You shouldn’t take what those people say to heart.  They’re all looking for different things for different reasons and most of the time you’ll never know what that is until you show up.  Just be yourself.  If you don’t fit their image for one job you might be right on the money for another.  Trying to read their minds is just going to drive you crazy.”

“Thanks.  I’ll try to keep that in mind but if nothing else I think I’ll give it a shot just to keep Brian and my mom off my back about it.  I guess it couldn’t hurt for me to pick up a couple of barbells every once in a while.”

“Just don’t overdo it.  You don’t want to be one of those meatheaded gym-rat guys.”

“I don’t think I’m in any danger of that.  Oh!” Jensen exclaimed.  “I forgot to tell you the best part!  I booked a job with Coda Menswear!”

“That’s awesome!” Jared said, his chest puffing up with pride.  “Congratulations!  See?  They must have liked you just fine.”

“Yeah, I guess so.  It’s like a real runway show.  I get to wear fancy suits and there will be press there and everything!”

“That’s great.  It sounds like a great opportunity for you.”

“It is.”  Jensen grew quiet for a moment on the other end of the line.  “What you did for me, introducing me to all those people…you have no idea.  I can never thank you enough.  It means a lot that you were willing to put yourself out there like that for me.  You didn’t have to do it but you did.  I just…”  Jensen paused, his voice cracking with emotion.  “Thank you.”

Jared cleared his throat, afraid that his own voice would come out shakier than normal at the moment as well.  “I’m happy to help however I can, you know that.  But I didn’t really do anything.  It’s you, Jensen.  You’re the one that’s making it all happen.” 

They talked for a while after that, shifting to lighter topics like Jared’s childhood in San Antonio and the books on Jensen’s reading list.  From the sound of it, Jensen was basically tutoring himself with the help of the New York State guidelines and whatever books he could get from the public library.  He was light-years ahead of where Jared had been at his age.  By the end of their conversation about an hour later, Jared was scribbling down the titles of a couple of books that he wanted to read just so he could keep up with Jensen the next time they spoke.

“Well, I should probably let you go.” Jensen said at length.  “I’ve gotta go shower after that run.  I’m stinking up the place.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” Jared laughed weakly.  In his head, he was already forming an impressive montage of Jensen in the shower with warm water and soap bubbles sluicing down his body.  Not like his dirty mind needed any help where Jensen was concerned.  This kid was going to be the death of him.

They fell into a comfortable pattern over the next few weeks.  Jensen would call him with the news whenever he booked a new job.  Jared would offer his advice and encouragement, usually with a follow-up call to Jensen the day after the job was supposed to be taking place so that he could get the full report on how it went.  Sometimes they talked about work the whole time, but as the weeks passed their conversations routinely drifted farther and farther afield to food, movies, and music.  Jared ended up convincing Jensen to try out a bunch of bands that he loved and he got to relive the excitement of falling in love with their songs all over again vicariously through him.  Their phone calls were quickly becoming the best part of Jared’s week.

His work was keeping him busy with travel from location to location, and there were new offers coming in all the time.  It was in large part because of the way Cynthia Hofstadter had been talking him up around town about how he’d come through for her in her time of need.  She always had been one with a flair for the dramatics but Jared really didn’t mind because it was definitely working for his benefit. 

His assistant Trish suggested to him that it was probably a good time to shop around some of his more recent art photography with all the buzz that was already out there on him.  As an artist herself, she understood more than most that Jared’s real passion would always be his more personal work.  He took her advice and had no trouble getting a gallery interested in his showing his stuff.  The Rivers Gallery offered him a solo show, his first one ever. 

When he had dealt with curators in the past he’d always had that nagging feeling of self-doubt in the back of his mind that they were only giving him the time of day because of who his mother was in the art world.  This one he had a good feeling about.  Laura, the owner of the gallery, had seemed genuinely impressed with this work.  He’d have to work even harder than he already was to get enough pieces together to fill the gallery space, but he was more invigorated by the challenge of it than he’d been by any of his normal work in a long time.

When he called to tell Jensen about the new project, he sounded almost as excited about it as Jared was.

“Jared, that’s amazing!  I can’t wait to see it.”

Jared took a deep breath.  He was a little nervous to ask, but their friendship was feeling pretty solid lately and he thought Jensen would be perfect for what he had in mind.  “Well, maybe you won’t have to.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m putting together a series of portraits for one portion of the collection.  Would you be willing to model for me again?”

“Are you freaking kidding me?  Of course I will!”

Jared was grinning so big that it almost made his face hurt.  “Great!  That’s really great.  This is…this is kind of a big deal for me.  The whole art thing probably isn’t ever going to be something I can pay the bills with but it helps keep me sane, you know?” 

“I get it.  It’s important to you.  Whatever you need, I’m there.”

He was kind of glad that Jensen was just on the phone and not in front of him at the moment because he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to not hug him.  “Thanks man.  So listen, I’ll have Trish call your mom and have them sort out the usual paperwork end of things.  That way if any of the stuff we shoot turns out half decent you can have a copy for your portfolio.”

“Cool!  I’m sure it will be awesome.  I’m really happy for you, Jay.”

Jared went to sleep that night practically beside himself with excited anticipation.  Even though they’d been talking on the phone pretty consistently he hadn’t actually seen Jensen in months thanks to their hectic schedules never really lining up and his own ideas about maintaining some level of safe distance between them.  He still wasn’t sure how he’d react when they finally did see each other again but he just couldn’t wait any longer.  Jensen meant much more to him now than just a pretty face.  As long as he kept that in mind, he should be just fine.

~~~

“Jared?”

Jared’s head snapped up immediately from what he was doing.  “Jensen?”

Jensen was in his apartment.  If this was a dream then it was a really fucking good one.

Jared peeked out from behind the large computer screen at his desk and saw Jensen and Trish standing in his living room.  Nope, definitely not a dream.

“Hey!  You’re early.”  Jared went right to Jensen to clasp his hand in a friendly bro-shake.  Jensen surprised him by pulling him in for a one-armed hug.  In an instant, he’d gone from no physical contact with Jensen for months to having him solid and warm against him.  _Goddamn_ he smelled good.

“I couldn’t wait.”  Jensen said as he released him.  He was grinning from ear to ear. 

“I ran into him in the hallway,” Trish smiled.  “I figured I’d take pity on him and let him in.”

“Okay, well cool,” Jared said, slightly flustered.  “Trish, can you setup the backdrop and stuff?  I wanna show Jensen what I’ve done so far.”

“Sure thing,” She turned to Jensen.  “Here, let me take your jacket.  I’ll hang it up.”

“Thanks.”  Jensen shucked his olive green army jacket off of his shoulders.  Trish took it and wandered off to get the lights and the backdrop setup for the shoot.

Jared got his first good look at Jensen and he was dumbstruck.  Jensen had definitely been working out per Brian’s instructions.  His shoulders and biceps were noticeably bulkier with muscle.  His already narrow waist looked impossibly small even under the soft white sweater he was wearing.  Jared wanted to reach out and trace over all of Jensen’s changes but he held himself back.

“Jensen, you look…”  Jared fumbled to sort through all the thoughts running through his head for the most PG-rated one.  “You look fantastic.  You’ve been taking Brian’s advice on the workouts I see.”

Jensen blushed slightly and pushed his sleeves up, exposing his nicely toned forearms.  “Thanks.  Yeah I have.  It’s hard sometimes to keep it up but I think it’s worth it.  No pain no gain, right?”

“Right.”  Jared shoved his hands in his pockets.  They were safer there.  “How about I show you around?”

~~~

“This place is awesome!”  Jensen exclaimed, as Jared led him through his space. 

Jared called it a studio but it had to be twice the size of his mom’s one bedroom.  The apartment was enormous and airy with hardwood floors and cavernously high ceilings.  There was a collection of couches and chairs around an entertainment center that served as Jared’s living room, another corner of the studio held his desk and shelves of camera equipment, and there was an alcove off to one side of the living room that housed the kitchen area.  There was also a set of stairs that led up to a loft which was where Jared said his bedroom and master bath were. 

The oversized closet tucked under the stairs was Jensen’s favorite part of the apartment by far.  Jared had turned it into a darkroom with a special rotating door that blocked out the outside light.

“I use real film for my art photography and I like to be able to process it myself.  Maybe I’m a bit of a control freak about it, but I like doing everything myself from start to finish.  That way it really feels like something I created.”

Jensen listened politely as Jared explained what all the trays of chemicals were for and why the room had to be light-proof except for the special red-colored overhead lamp.  Jared had some test prints hanging up on a clothesline to dry that immediately caught his eye. 

“Are these for the show too?” he asked.  At first glance they looked like black and white shots of some desert landscape.

Jared looked at the one he was pointing at.  “Oh!  Yes, but that’s for a different series in the collection.  Those are my nudes.”

“What?” Jensen gulped.

“No!  I mean, that’s not me!” Jared corrected vehemently.  “Those are models I asked to pose for me.  Nude.  But not like _that,_ obviously.”  The normally easy-going guy Jensen knew was suddenly replaced by a six-foot, four-inch tower of nervous anxiety.  “These pieces are supposed to be kinda my homage to the desert vistas and canyons of the American Southwest.  Except I’m using the human body shot in extreme close up to sort of abstractly represent the same contours and angles that the land out there creates.”  Jared ran a hand through his hair.  “It makes sense in my head, I swear.”

Jensen took a closer look at the picture.  It looked like the crest of a sand dune but if Jensen squinted hard in the dim red light of the darkroom he could just make out the pores of the model’s skin.  It was the back of a woman’s calf.

“Jared, this is amazing!” he said in awe.  He knew Jared was talented but he’d never seen this side of his work before.  The devotion and care that Jared so clearly put into making his art took Jensen’s breath away.  He wanted to help in whatever way he could.  He made a quick decision in his head, crossing his fingers that Jared would think that he was good enough to handle it.  “I think I could do that,” he announced.  “Can I be a part of this series too?”

Jared stared at him like he’d just suggested cannibalism.  He sputtered a few times, blinking at Jensen owlishly before he could put together a full sentence.  “Y-you heard me when I said nudes, right?”

“Yeah, I got that part.  But from the looks of these you don’t really _see_ anything like you do in a porno.  Do you?”

“No!  Of course not!” Jared exclaimed.  He looked absolutely scandalized.  “What the hell do you know about porn?”

Jensen shot him an exasperated look.  “Dude, please.  I’m sixteen, not six.  Are you not familiar with the internet?”

Jared squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger like he was holding off a stress headache.  “I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you right now.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is!” Jensen insisted.  “You can’t see these people’s faces.  You can’t even see their whole bodies.  No one has to know it’s me.”

“I’ll know!” Jared shouted.  “No!  No way.  You’re too young.”

Jensen didn’t understand what his problem was.  There was nothing vulgar about the pictures.  All he wanted to do was help.  Yeah it might be a little awkward but he could get over whatever nervousness he felt about it for Jared.  “What, you don’t think I’m good enough?”

“I didn’t say that!”  Jared slumped against his worktable.  “You’ll be great in the portraits but this is different.  I don’t want you to do something that you’re going to regret later.”

Jensen moved in from of him so that Jared was forced to look him in the eye.  “I want to do this.  I want to help you like you helped me.  In case you haven’t noticed, you’re pretty much my best friend.  I trust you.” 

Jared still looked extremely uncomfortable and far from convinced.  Jensen had a fleeting thought about where all this reluctance might be coming from.  He wasn’t sure that he wanted to bring it up but he had to know.

“Is this really going to be that much of a problem for you?  I met you at an underwear shoot for chrissakes!  This isn’t all that much different than that except for one less piece of fabric.  I mean, what’s the difference to you anyway how much clothing I’m wearing when you shoot me?” Jensen leveled the question at him with a deliberate challenge in his tone.

Jared glared back at him under the dim red light.  Something flashed in his eyes for a split second that looked almost feral.  He stood and stepped into the open space of the revolving door. 

“Come on.  You’re going to have to call your mom to get her permission and I’m going to have to explain to Trish that I’ve apparently lost my damn mind.”


	4. Part 4

“I really don’t know about this Jared.  It’s a huge gray area.  That’s why most people try to avoid it entirely.”  Trish tapped one blood-red nail on the kitchen countertop anxiously while Jared poured her a cup of coffee.

“I know.  But look, legally speaking we’re covered.  Jensen’s mom sent over the letter of consent giving her permission.  I talked to her myself and she was surprisingly fine with it.  The photos aren’t gratuitously sexual or graphic in anyway.  You know that.  And just in case, we’re going to credit him for these as _Anonymous Model_.”

“Yes, but why even take the risk?” Trish insisted.  “What is it about this kid?”

Jared sighed and leaned over the kitchen island, cradling his own cup of coffee in his hands.  He stared into it like a Magic Eight Ball, hoping it would tell him what he should do.  “He’s not just some _kid_.  He’s a friend and it’s important to him.  He thinks that helping me with this will be a way to pay me back for how I helped him.”

Trish studied him, considering.  “He’s important to you.”

Jared trusted her more than just about anyone in his life but he still found himself struggling with the words.  Besides that one kiss that they’d both tried hard to forget, this crazy twisted intoxicating _thing_  between him and Jensen had for the most part only existed in his own fantasies.  Saying it out loud would make it all too real.  In the end, he best he could manage was a quiet, “Yes.”

Trish pursed her lips.  “Does he know how you feel about him?”

His eyes flicked up to meet hers.  “No.”

“Good.”  She leaned forward, placing a hand on his wrist.  “You know it needs to stay that way, right?  He’s a minor, Jared.  Jailbait.  Like - do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, kiss your career goodbye – jail.”

“I know.  Nothing’s happened.” Well…not really, he amended to himself.  “And nothing will happen.”  He covered his hand with hers.  “Listen, if you don’t feel comfortable with this shoot then I’m not going to force you to be a part of it.  You can say no.  I completely understand.”

Trish squeezed his arm affectionately.  “I got your back, boss.”

~~~

Jensen stood up as soon as Jared and Trish finally walked out of the kitchen.  It felt like they’d been in there talking forever.  He’d been sitting on Jared’s couch trying not to freak out the entire time and failing miserably at it.

“Are we all good?” he asked looking nervously from one to the other.

“Yeah, we’re good.” Jared said. 

Jensen stomach did a little flip at the flash of dimples near the corners of Jared’s smile.  That was something that he’d really been missing all this time over the phone.  He was relieved and excited but also definitely anxious about what they were about to do, which is why the best he could come up with in response was, “Um, Good.”

Trish cleared her throat expectantly, giving Jared some kind of look Jensen couldn’t really identify.

“Oh yeah.”  Jared’s expression turned sheepish.  “Trish is going to hang out and help me with the lighting and stuff.  She’s going to-“

“Chaperone,” Trish jumped in.  “Since your mom can’t be here to supervise and you’re underage.  We want to make sure that she knows that you’re in good hands here.  You don’t mind me being around during the shoot do you?”

Jensen hadn’t considered this.  It was going to be embarrassing enough to be naked in front of Jared.  Now he was going to be totally exposed in front of this woman he’d only ever met once before in his life.  He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  It wasn’t his preference but he had no intention of chickening out now.  “Um…yeah.  I-I mean, no.  I don’t mind.  It’s okay.”

Something in Trish’s eyes softened a bit at his lame attempt at a response.  “Okay, then.  Jared, you still want to start with the portrait, right?”

“Right,” Jared said.  He gave Jensen another reassuring smile.  “Let’s get started.”

The portrait session was much easier than Jensen had expected it to be which did a lot to calm him down.  Jared had framed the shot just from his neck up in a really tight close-up which meant that Jensen was able to put all of his focus into making sure that his facial expressions were exactly what Jared wanted.  Trish had turned some music on for background noise and Jared was talking excitedly about the old school-looking large format camera he was using like it was greatest thing since sliced bread.  It was nothing short of adorable to see Jared practically gleeful that he got to show off his favorite toy.  Jensen was enjoying himself so much that it caught him off guard when Jared announced triumphantly that he’d gotten exactly what he wanted and then some. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, definitely not trying to stall for more time.

“Hell yeah!  It’s great.  You were great.  I just knew you would be.” Jared grinned like a little kid at Christmas.  “Those freckles man, you have no idea.  Your face is going to steal the whole show.”

Jensen ducked his head bashfully.  “I doubt that.”

Jared started to protest but Trish cut him off, all business again.  “Okay guys, let’s move on then.  Jensen, there should be a robe that Jared keeps for his models in the linen closet next to the bathroom.  Why don’t you head up there and change into it while Jared and I switch around the setup down here.”

“Okay, sure.”  Jensen glanced back at Jared as he made his way up the stairs to the bathroom.  He looked much more serious than he had before, like Trish’s tone had thrown cold water over everything. 

Jensen returned shortly wearing only the simple cotton robe that he’d found in the closet.  He saw that they’d brought in silver umbrella-looking things that bounced the light around and softened it some.  They’d also taken some of the seat cushions off of the couch and thrown a white sheet over them to create a low dais for him on the floor.  Jared was fiddling with the lens of a handheld camera and Trish was calling out some numbers to him that she was reading off of her light meter.  Jensen approached them wringing the fabric belt of the robe anxiously in his hands.  Trish was the only one of the two who looked up.

“There you are.  Good, we’re just about ready here,” she said brightly.  “Go ahead and stand under the lights.  Jared’s going to need to get a good look at you to see what angles he wants to shoot.”

Jensen gulped and glanced over at Jared who still had his eyes trained steadily on the camera in his hands.  Jared had never ignored him like that before.  It felt so off and just wrong from a guy who Jensen had only ever known to be warm and friendly, like the human version of a Golden Retriever.  He couldn’t imagine what he’d said or done in the last few minutes to make Jared change so abruptly like that.

He took his place under the lights and stood there, waiting until Jared and Trish looked like they were ready to go.  Trish gave him a little nod and Jensen took the hint.  Mechanically he unknotted the belt and slid the robe off of his shoulders, tossing it a few feet away where it landed on the arm of the couch.  Naked and more vulnerable than he’d ever felt in his life, he turned to face Jared and the camera.  He fisted his hands at his sides, resisting the urge to cover himself.

For just a moment, Jared’s composure faltered.  He mouth fell open on a sharp inhale and his mood ring eyes glittered darkly.  Then in a flash it was gone again and Jared’s expression went carefully blank.  Jensen felt like he’d just caught a glimpse of something behind a door that he wasn’t supposed to and then had it slammed in his face. 

Jared was silent as his eyes raked over Jensen’s body, clinical and cold.  He studied how the light played over Jensen’s frame, muttering short notes to Trish who dutifully copied them down on her iPad.

“Turn to the side.” Jared instructed him.

Jensen did as he was told, feeling more like an object on display than he’d ever felt before as a model.  He bit his lip and tried to remind himself that Jared was just being professional about the whole thing.  No reason to take it personally.

Jared gave Trish a few more notes to take down.  “Now turn and face the wall.”

Jensen turned, conscious of Jared’s eyes scanning down his back and over his ass.  Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of the robe on the end of the couch.  He wished he could make it levitate with his mind Jedi-style so that he could cover himself up.  He had imagined himself naked in front of Jared plenty of times but this was not at all what he wanted.

“Okay” Jared said, clearing his throat.  “I need you to lie down on your side facing me and stretch your top arm up over your head.”

Great.  Jensen took his pose as Jared had instructed, lying down on the cushions that they’d setup just for this purpose.  He tried not to think about how his cock hung down flaccid against his hip.

Jared took a few steps closer and crouched down with his face shielded from Jensen’s view behind the camera.  “Now breathe out and hold it.”

Jensen did and as soon as the thin striations of muscle along his ribcage were tensed to hold out the air, Jared zoomed the camera lens in tighter and snapped the shot. 

“Good,” Jared murmured.  He moved farther back by Jensen’s shins and knelt, camera back up and ready.  “Roll over onto your stomach.”

Jensen blushed and adjusted his position.  He wanted to crawl out of his skin.

“Arch your back a little,” Jared said.  “If you need to you can hold yourself up on your elbows.”  He took a few pictures of the long valley of Jensen’s spine, asking Trish to adjust one of the lights as he snapped away. 

They went on like that for a while, with Jared giving him short detached commands on how to position himself from shot to shot.  Jared took pictures of the back Jensen’s knee, the straight line of his outstretched arms, the jut of his shoulder blades, the ridges of his abs, and the spur of his hipbone.  Jensen endured it all quietly, shoving down the sick feeling of shame that had been steadily growing in the pit of his stomach.  It felt like Jared was purposely out to prove something with his uncharacteristically stony demeanor, like the sight of Jensen’s body laid out naked in front of him affected him about as much as a block of wood.  If he was trying to show Jensen just how much he wasn’t interested in him, how much he didn’t care, well then that message was coming through loud and clear. 

Just when he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, Jared finally said that they were done.  Jensen stood and quickly snatched up his robe, wrapping himself tightly in it.  He didn’t wait another moment, making a beeline for the second floor bathroom so that he could put his clothes back on as soon as possible.  Jensen got dressed in the dark without even bothering to switch the light on.  He took a minute then to collect himself, arms braced wide against the cool surface of the bathroom sink.  He didn’t want Jared to see him rattled.

When he felt a little more like himself, he went back downstairs where Jared and Trish were clearing everything up.  All he wanted to do was go home.

“We all done here then?” he asked, not really looking at either of them.  “I should probably get going.”

Jared shoved the last of the couch cushions back into place and straightened up.  “Yeah, we’re good.”  He hesitated, glancing in Trish’s direction.  “Do you…do you need a ride?  I can-“

“No.”  Jensen said quickly.  The last thing he wanted was to be stuck in a car with Jared for the inevitable awkward silence all the way to the Bronx.  “Thanks, anyway.  I’ll just take the subway.”

Jared shoved his hands in his pockets, hunching his shoulders.  His brow was knit up with concern.  “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

Jensen didn’t know why but seeing that sad puppy look on Jared’s face again after hoping for the last solid hour for any kind of genuine feeling, any sign that his friend Jared was still in there somewhere just made him angry.  He didn’t want to show it though, so he decided to give Jared some of his own medicine instead.  He forced his expression into a completely vacant mask.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  I’ll see you around.”

He turned and snatched his coat off of the hook by the door without waiting for Jared to respond.  Not wanting to be totally rude, he paused a second with his hand on the doorknob.  “Bye, Trish.  Thanks for everything today.  I know you probably weren’t thrilled with this whole thing but you hung in there anyway and I…well, I really appreciate it.”

Trish gaped at him for a second before she recovered.  “No problem.”

Jensen gave her a little nod and walked out, closing the door behind him.  About a block and a half away from Jared’s building tears of embarrassment and frustration started to burn behind his eyes.  He walked faster, gradually gaining speed until he broke into a run.  He couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

~~~

“You’ve outdone yourself, Jay.  You really have.  You should be proud.”

Gloria hugged him tight, her presence an immediate comfort to his frayed nerves.  She smelled like Chanel and champagne.  She was the closest thing to family that he had who could make the time to be there for him on the most important night of his artistic career.  He loved her dearly for it.

“Thanks Gloria.  It means a lot to me to have you here.”

“Sweetheart, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”  She linked her arm in his.  “Now, I want the grand tour of the whole show by the artist himself.”

“I’d be happy to”.  Jared led her around the crowded gallery arm in arm, pausing for a moment at each photograph to tell her its story.  It was his big night and all of his friends and acquaintances were there to make an appearance, guzzle down the free wine, and lavish him with compliments.  Gloria was one of the few that he could count on to give him an honest opinion.  She expressed her measured approval at his series depicting the natural elements, critiqued his attention to negative space in his series of landscapes, and raved excitedly about his series of the nudes.  Jared listened attentively to it all.  He did hurry her by a little however when they came to the photograph of Jensen’s spine, the long sinuous line of it taunting him in stark black and white.  He couldn’t look at it without thinking back to that shoot where things between them had fallen sharply off course.

He hadn’t seen Jensen since that day over a month ago and they’d barely spoken over the phone either.  He’d called several times but Jensen seemed to be too busy to talk to him.  When they did talk it was strained and awkward, making him wonder why Jensen had bothered to take his call at all.  Jared knew what was really going on.  He knew that the way he’d acted at the nude shoot had pissed Jensen off and he felt miserable about it.  He hadn’t realized at the time that the professional façade that he’d put on in front of Trish had edged deep into overkill, making him come off as callous when what Jensen had needed most right then was  comfort and support. 

Instead of calling Jensen to apologize when he’d figured out what he’d done Jared had just let it go, thinking that it was ultimately for the best anyway if Jensen didn’t want to speak to him anymore.  Jared had fooled himself for a while into believing that a simple friendship between them would be enough but he knew now that it wasn’t.  He was always going to want more and since he couldn’t have that it would be better for everyone if he just let Jensen be mad and let their friendship peter out gradually.  He still called every once in a while, unable to let Jensen go cold turkey.  He needed just that little bit of contact no matter how tense it often was.  The last time they’d spoken it had been about a week after Thanksgiving and Jared invited him to the gallery show to see his finished work.  He rationalized it to himself that it wasn’t actually a setback in his No More Jensen Plan and it was completely natural for him to ask, just like how he’d invited all of his other models who’d posed for him.  It had nothing to do with wanting to see Jensen specifically. 

For his part, Jensen had been somewhat vague about whether or not he was actually going to come to the show at all.  It had stung to hear, but Jared figured he probably deserved it.  That hadn’t stopped him from anxiously scanning over the heads of the crowd for the last hour looking for Jensen’s dirty blonde hair.

“Oh look!  There’s that precious boy of yours.  He really is stunning isn’t he?”

Gloria’s voice snapped him back to attention.  Somehow she’d dragged him over to the portrait series while his mind was wandering and now he was face to face, literally, with a 40 x 50” photo of Jensen.  The high resolution image and the sharpness of the lens he’d used made for a breathtaking picture.  The quiet intensity of Jensen’s eyes and their spring grass hue seemed to stare right through him to his very core.

“Yes, he is.” His shirt collar suddenly felt like it was choking off his air.  Or maybe that was just his heart in his throat.

Gloria looked up at him.  “Are you alright, Jay?”

Jared smiled at her but he didn’t have the spirit to make it even near believable.  “Sorry, I’m fine.  Just a little distracted tonight.”

She started to press him further about it when Jared felt a tap on his shoulder.  He turned to see who it was and was met with Jensen’s mother, dressed in something bright pink and just this side of too sparkly for a Friday night in Reno nevermind a gallery show in SoHo. Accompanying her was barrel-chested middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair that looked about as comfortable amidst the young artists and fashionistas as a bull in a china shop.  Jared hid his displeasure with another plastic smile.  If this kept up his cheeks were going to be hurting by the end of the night.

“Donna!  How nice of you to come,” he greeted her.  The only upside to her being there meant that odds were good that Jensen was somewhere nearby.

“Congratulations, honey!  Your pictures are just to die for.  Of course, I’m partial to one in particular.”  She nodded towards Jensen’s portrait.  “This is all just so exciting!  Oh Jared, I’d like you to meet Jensen’s agent, Brian Weintraub.”

“Good to meet you,” Brian said.  “Nice touch with the open bar by the way.  Is it all beer and wine or do you think maybe one of these guys can mix me up a Cape Cod?”  His voice sounded like pure Bensonhurst and his thick-fingered hands suggested more ex-bodyguard than professional agent.  Jared didn’t quite know what to make of him, but he wasn’t surprised anymore that Jensen had been struggling in the industry before he’d stepped in to help with a character like Brian as his representative.

“I’m sure we can make that happen,” Jared replied smoothly.  “Donna, Brian, I’d like you to meet Gloria Gallico, my godmother.”

Gloria extended her hand to each of them politely.  “Donna, I believe we’ve spoken before on the phone when Jensen attended one of my little gatherings this past summer.”

“Yes!” Donna said enthusiastically.  “Thank you for being so sweet to my JR.  He can be a real handful sometimes but you know boys will be boys I guess.”

“Yes…”  Gloria turned to Jared.  “Darling, I think I’ll go inquire with the staff about Mr. Weintraub’s drink.  You stay and socialize with your guests.”  And with that, she glided off through the crowd in an elegant swirl of black chiffon.  As jealous as Jared was that she had escaped without him, he couldn’t fault her exit for any lack of style.

“So Donna, how is the holiday season treating you?  Just a few more days left until Christmas.”

“I know!  I don’t know about you but it really snuck up on me this year.  I haven’t even had the time to decorate yet.  I just love this time of year though, even with the snow and all.  Jensen does too.”

“Does he?”  Jared perked up at the mention of Jensen’s name.  He couldn’t have hoped for a more perfect opening.  “Where is Jensen tonight anyway?”

“Oh, he’s right over there,” she waved loosely somewhere over her right shoulder, “with his date.”

“Date?” Jared croaked.  He searched in the direction where Donna had pointed until he caught sight of them.  Jensen looked so handsome in his charcoal-colored sweater and black pants that for a moment Jared forgot everything else.  Then he saw a hand rest lightly at the small of Jensen’s back.  He looked up to find it’s owner and he couldn’t believe his own eyes.

“You know Kerr, don’t you Jared?” Donna said, following Jared’s line of sight.  “Jensen said that they’d first met at that magazine shoot y’all did together.”

Kerr?  Seriously?  “Um, yeah.  Yes, I know him.”  Why hadn’t Jensen ever said anything to him about this before?  He hadn’t even known that Jensen _liked_ Kerr.

“Nice boy isn’t he?  Always so polite!  JR met him again recently at a go-see they were both up for and they got to talking, you know.”

“No.  I didn’t know.”  Jared felt like he was either going to be sick or smash something to pieces.  Possibly both.

“Oh didn’t you?  I thought he would have mentioned it, what with you being a good friend of his and the two of them being so chummy as of late.  But I guess y’all haven’t really been talking as much as you used to, now have you?  I’m sure this whole art show thing has kept you pretty busy and Jensen has just been booking gigs right and left.  Isn’t that right, Brian?”

Jared nodded agreeably but everything Donna was saying was little more than a buzzing noise in his ear.  He didn’t give a damn about anyone or anything but getting closer to Jensen and getting him away from Kerr.  Right the fuck now.  “I’m sorry, will you excuse me?  I really should go say hi.”

“You go do that, honey,” Donna said, saccharine sweet.  “Do me a favor while you’re over there and tell Jensen that I’m letting him have an extra hour on his curfew tonight on account of his date.”

“Sure.” 

Jared had absolutely no intention of doing so.  He weaved through the mass of people until he reached them.  They were admiring one of his photographs of a birch forest in Manitoba.

“Jensen?”

Jensen turned and his eyes widened in surprise.  “Jared.”

There was something in the way he said Jared’s name that felt so raw and open, almost reverent, that Jared was momentarily dumbstruck.  He hadn’t heard Jensen be anything but indifferent to him for such a while now.

“How’ve you been?” he asked carefully.

“Good.  Busy.” Jensen licked lips, a nervous habit of his that Jared had noticed and was halfway in love with.  “I honestly didn’t expect to be able to see much of you tonight.  I figured you’d be occupied, you know, talking to your fans and whatnot.”

“Fans?”  Jared chuckled in spite of himself.

“Yeah,” Jensen said with complete sincerity.  “Jared, these photographs…what you did here.  They’re _awesome_.”

“I’m definitely a fan,” Kerr chimed in.

Jensen looked over at him as if he’d just remembered that Kerr was there.  “Ah Jared, you remember Kerr, right?”

“’Course.  Good to see you again, man.”  He shook Kerr’s hand a little more firmly than strictly necessary as he assessed the kid from a whole new perspective as Jensen’s potential new boyfriend.  Kerr was intelligent, easy-going, and he looked damn good in that sky blue dress shirt.  Jared couldn’t help hating him a little.  “If you don’t mind, I need to steal Jensen for a few minutes.”

Jensen arched an eyebrow at him.  Jared could practically see his walls flying up all over again.

Kerr looked at Jensen.  “Um, yeah okay,” he shrugged.  “I’ll wait here.”

Jared ignored Jensen’s questioning look and grabbed his hand, leading him through the crowd.  He didn’t stop until they’d reached the restroom and shut the door behind them.

Jensen rounded on him, eyes flashing annoyance.  “Jared, what’s going on?”

“Don’t go out with him anymore.”  It was out of Jared’s mouth before he even knew what he was saying.

“What?” Jensen asked incredulously.  “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Kerr.  I don’t want you to date him.”

Jensen’s jaw clenched tightly.  “Where the hell do you get off?  You don’t get a say in who I date.”

He was right.  Jared knew he was right.  But even the thought of Kerr’s hands anywhere on Jensen’s body made his hackles rise.  He took a few steps towards Jensen until he could smell that familiar warm woodsy scent of his cologne.  It pushed him even closer to that brittle edge of crazy.

“How long have you been seeing him?”

“I don’t know,” Jensen said exasperated.  “A couple of times.  What do you even care?”

Jared ignored his question and took another step closer just to torture himself that much more.

This time Jensen stepped back warily, his back meeting the edge of the sink

“Did he kiss you yet?” Jared demanded.  He was way out of the line now.  Jensen had every right to tell him off.  Strictly speaking, it wasn’t his business to know that kind of thing even as a friend, which Jared wasn’t wholly sure they were anymore.  He should stop.  He should really fucking stop.

Jensen looked him dead in the eye, any semblance of his usual shyness gone.  “Yes.”

Jared snapped. 

He crushed his lips to Jensen’s, too rough to be called a kiss.  He was staking his claim. 

Jensen made a little noise of surprise in his throat, but he didn’t push away. 

Jared griped Jensen’s waist, pulling him in close.  One of his hands roamed up the back of Jensen’s neck and around to the hinge of his jaw, thumb pressing there gently until Jensen couldn’t help but to open for him.  Access granted, Jared plundered as he wanted with tongue and teeth.  He was in no mood to give mercy.

Jensen trembled against him, fingers clutching tight to Jared’s shirt. 

Jared didn’t stop his tender assault until he felt the vibration of Jensen’s whimper.  When he did he was lightheaded, drunk on the feel of Jensen’s lips.

“Did he kiss you like that?” he insisted thickly.

Jensen eyes were unfocused, his chest heaving with each panting breath.  “You said you didn’t think about me like that.”

Jared ran a hand down the line of Jensen’s back.  The subject of his favorite work of art.  “I can’t stop thinking about you.  Never could since Day One.”  He kissed Jensen again.  “I should.” And again.  “I tried.” And again.  “I guess I failed.”

This time Jensen did push him back.  “You were a real ass to me the last time I saw you.  For the record.”

Jared’s heart sank at the unresolved anger in Jensen’s voice.  “I know.  I’m so sorry.  I honestly didn’t mean to be.  I was just trying to - fuck, I don’t know!  Trish was right there and I couldn’t be myself with you in front of her.  Not with you like _that_.  God, you have no idea what you do to me!  But you’re underage and I know that makes this wrong.  I was ready to lose it right there so instead I just shutdown.  I’m sorry.”

Jensen sighed.  He leaned forward and circled his arms around Jared’s neck.  “You should have just said that a month ago.”

“I know.”  Jared tugged him in tightly by his hips.  “You can stay mad at me if you want.  Just please don’t go out with Kerr after the show tonight.  Please.”

Jensen bit his bottom lip, obscenely pink and swollen from Jared’s kisses.  “What am I supposed to do?  I came here with him.”

Jared made a quick decision in his head.  It was reckless and very definitely illegal, but he was already too far gone now.  Any chance he might have had at turning back from where his body and his heart were conspiring to lead him had long since past.  It was freeing in a heady sort of way when he finally just accepted it.

Jared slid his hands down to cup the firm rounds of Jensen’s ass, reveling in the way it made Jensen suck in a quick breath in response.  There was no way in hell he was ever going to let go now.

“Make something up," he whispered as he nuzzled the tip of his nose against the curve of Jensen’s cheekbone.  “You don’t feel well.  You’re tired.  You want to go home.”  He nibbled along Jensen’s jawline until he reached his pulse point.  It fluttered as his breath danced over it.  “Then instead, you come home to me.”

Jensen shuddered in his arms.  “To your place?” he asked breathlessly.

Jared leaned back just enough to capture Jensen’s mouth in a soft kiss.  “I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

“W-what about the show?”

Jared shrugged, not releasing Jensen from his arms even a bit.  “All the hard work is done.  The photographs show themselves.  They don’t need me.”  Spending the rest of the night schmoozing with art critics versus spending it with Jensen wasn’t even a contest.

“Won’t Trish be pissed if you bail early?”

Shit.  That was slightly more complicated.  “Better make it an hour and a half.”

“You’re insane!” Jensen laughed.

Jared’s smirk was a sharp as a blade.  “But you’re still coming aren’t you?”  It wasn’t a question.

Jensen just rolled his eyes. 

He leaned forward and brushed his lips over Jared’s.  “Don’t be late.”


	5. Part 5

Jensen watched the sky as a light dusting of snow fell around him like confetti, the moon a bright paper lantern overhead.  He should have felt cold standing there outside Jared’s building, hands shoved into the pockets of his peacoat.  It was a gift from one of his recent shoots that was more fashionable than functional against the winter wind.  He wasn’t cold at all though.  He was so happy inside that it warmed him down to his bones.  It felt like the whole city was happy tonight, alive with the festive spirit of the holiday season.  He could hear music coming from somewhere down the block and the couple who walked past him on the sidewalk were laughing to each other over memories of childhood snow days past.

He felt rebellious and giddy, like he was in the act of stealing something precious and getting away with it.  He’d had to lie to Kerr and to his mom which he would have rather not had to do if he had his choice, but he would have done just about anything to buy himself time alone with Jared.  He couldn’t explain the truth to them and they wouldn’t have understood even if he had.  And that was fine.  The secret made it special, just for him and Jared to share.

The familiar silver car glided up the street towards him quietly on the thin cushion of fresh snow.  Jensen felt his heart beat faster, waiting as it parked and Jared got out.  He had a red knit beanie on his head and gigantic grin on his face as his eyes locked on Jensen.  Jared walked toward him through the falling snow like he was walking through a dream, too beautiful for Jensen’s imagination to come up with on its own.

“You’re here,” Jared said, breath coming out in white puffs in the cold night air.  “I wasn’t sure if you were going to be.”

Jensen shrugged, struggling to not to come off like a huge goofy dork.  He probably would have stood there all night if Jared had asked him to.  “Well I am here.  How about you let me inside now?”

“Sorry,” Jared said, chuckling bashfully.  “Yeah, let’s get in out of the snow.”

Jensen followed him up to the apartment, skin prickling and flushing pink with the drastic temperature change from the cold night air to the cozy warmth inside.  Since the last time he’d been there Jared had put up a giant Christmas tree decorated with colored lights and brightly painted ornaments.  There were even more lights strung up around the windows and up the banister to the second floor.  Even though Christmas was only two days away, it was the first time that Jensen was really starting to feel that holiday glow.

“The place looks great!” he said, as they both hung up their coats and set their snow-covered shoes to dry by the door.

“Thanks.” Jared pulled off his beanie and raked his fingers to calm his unruly hair.  “I tend to go overboard because Christmas is my favorite holiday.”  Jared slipped an arm around Jensen’s waist and guided him over to the couch.  “My family makes a big deal out of it every year.  Everyone flies back home to San Antonio and we sit around the fire, watch old movies, and eat way too much.”

They sat together, Jared tucking him close to his side and they watched the snow fall outside the window.  Jensen felt so comfortable there, like it was exactly where he was supposed to be. 

“Christmas is my favorite too.  It’s usually just me and my mom, but I don’t know…there’s something kinda magic about it.  Everyone’s nicer to each other.”

“I was wondering something,” Jared said hesitatingly.  “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but, when did you tell your mom that you were gay?  I didn’t know that she knew that about you until tonight.”

Jensen picked at the hem of his sweater.  So many of the other kids back in Texas had hurled that label at him like a weapon.  It still made him feel uncomfortable to talk about sometimes.  Somehow they could see the truth of what he was even before he did. 

“I told her two years ago,” Jensen began.  “She’s okay with it now.  It was a little rocky at first.  One day I just decided that I needed to tell somebody and she was the only somebody that I had.  I told her I liked boys, you know - as more than friends, and she didn’t speak to me for three days.  The first thing she said when she finally stopped ignoring me was, “Well at least I don’t have to worry about you getting some poor girl in trouble”.  Everything was pretty much fine after that.”

Jared was silent for a moment.  “And your Dad?  How did he take it?”

Sadness and that old dull anger flashed briefly in Jensen’s mind at the mention of his father.  “I don’t know.  I haven’t seen him since I was five and I don’t know if my mom would have told him something like that.”  Jensen frowned, not sure how to explain it all through the ugly mess of emotions that he usually tried hard not to think about.  “I’m not his _real_ kid anyway.  Biologically I am, but my mom was just his receptionist.  He was already married to someone else.  His wife doesn’t like him seeing me so he just…doesn’t.”

Jared shifted his position and pulled Jensen onto his lap sideways, hugging him tight.  “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry you guys don’t have a better relationship and I’m sorry for him that he doesn’t know how amazing you are.  He’s the one that’s missing out.”

Jensen felt the heaviness around his heart lift at Jared’s words.  He didn’t want to waste another moment of the short time they had together thinking about things he couldn’t change.  Instead he leaned in and gave Jared a kiss. 

It was supposed to be an innocent little thank you for the compliment kinda thing.  At least it started that way.  But one short kiss became two, then a lingering third.  Then all innocence was lost when Jared plunged his tongue into Jensen’s mouth and exhaled hard through his nose, gripping the back of Jensen’s neck to hold him right where he wanted him.

Jensen didn’t have much experience but he was a fast learner, following the undulations of Jared’s tongue in it’s wet caresses with his own.  He curled his fingers into the soft thick hair at the base of Jared’s skull while Jared’s hands roamed freely over him, making his skin feel hot and too tight for his body.  Jensen could feel himself getting hard just from the way those big hands were owning him.

Jared broke away first, lips rubbed pink and hazel eyes dark with lust.  “I don’t wanna rush you, okay?  I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.”

“Okay.”  Jensen didn’t know exactly what he wanted but he did know that he didn’t want Jared to stop touching him anytime soon.  He pulled his sweater off over his head, eager for the feel on Jared’s hands on his skin without restriction.

Jared sighed appreciatively.  “So beautiful.”  He pulled Jensen around so that he was straddling Jared’s lap and kissed his way along Jensen’s neck, trailing down to his collarbone and his chest. 

Jensen gasped as Jared laved at his right nipple and a little zing of arousal shot straight to his cock.  It was like Jared was unraveling him slowly, exposing him to new sensations that he hadn’t even known his body had wanted.  He could feel Jared’s erection pressing against his thigh and it both shocked and thrilled him.  He’d made out with Kerr a little but he’d never gone further with him or anyone else.  Being home-schooled and isolated from most other people his age, he’d been relatively sheltered until Jared had come along and awakening so many feelings inside of him.  He shifted experimentally, rubbed against Jared, enjoying the friction that it created.

Jared sucked in a breath and gripped Jensen’s ass, kneading the firm flesh as Jensen ground down more urgently against the hard line of his cock.

“Does that feel good?” Jared asked thickly.

“Y-Yeah.”  The tone of Jared’s voice sent shivers down Jensen’s spine.  His left nipple was treated to the same devotion as its twin, eliciting a similar excited zing in response. 

“I want to make you feel good, Jen,” Jared mouthed against it.  “Will you let me?”

Jensen writhed in Jared’s lap, cock straining against the front of his pants.  He already felt so worked up that he was sure he could come just from a little more earnest bumping and grinding.  But if Jared wanted to offer him more, he was willing to take it.  “Yes.  I want you to.”

Jared kissed him sweetly.  “Okay.  Hold on tight.” 

That was the only warning that Jensen got before Jared cupped his ass and lifted him as he stood.  Jensen yelped in surprise and wrapped his legs around Jared’s waist. 

“I warned you,” Jared chuckled, carrying Jensen through the studio space and up the stairs with amazing ease.  Jensen was only sixteen but he was by no means little.  He was already on the tall side for his age and his new workout regimen had turned his previously lean form significantly heavier with muscle.  Jared didn’t seem to be straining himself one bit.  It was unreasonably hot.

When they got to the bedroom Jared set him down.  Jensen glanced through the dimly lit room to the bed which was roughly the size of a small lake and felt a little nervous flutter in his stomach.  It must have registered on his face because Jared pulled him into a hug and kissed the bridge of his nose affectionately.  “Don’t you go getting any ideas.  I don’t go all the way on the first date.”

Jensen laughed, nerves lessening slightly.  “This is a date?”

“Well, no.  Not really.”  Jared frowned and released Jensen to sit on the edge of the bed.  “I wish I could take you out on a real date.  I really do.  You understand why we can’t though, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I didn’t mean anything by it, Jay.  I don’t care about that kinda stuff.  I’m fine just hanging out with you.”  Jensen didn’t like seeing him looking worried like that, so he tried to get Jared’s mind back to the matter at hand.  He moved to stand in the space between Jared’s knees and took his hands, placing them on his own waist.  “So are you going to tell me why you dragged me up here?”

There were those dimples again.  Jared really should smile all the time.

“I want to get you naked again,” Jared said, staring up at him mischievously.  “But I want to do it right this time.  Show you everything that was going on inside my head during that damn shoot but without a camera in between us.  Will you give me a second chance at it?”

Jensen couldn’t say no even if he wanted to when Jared was begging with those big hazel eyes.  By way of response, he flicked open the button of his pants and slid the zipper down. 

Jared’s dimples deepened with his smile.  He kissed Jensen’s stomach and helped him pull his pants off, revealing the red briefs he wore underneath.

Jared cursed under his breath, trailing his index finger over the waistband.  “So you really are a briefs guy then?”

Jensen smiled and bit his lip coyly.  “I wasn’t before but I am now.”

“As much as I like them…,” Jared said, tugging them down and letting Jensen’s cock free, “I like you like this even better.”  He kissed the protrusion of Jensen’s hipbone, forcing a gasp out of Jensen’s lungs.  “I guess that’s a sensitive spot for you isn’t it?

“Y-yeah,” Jensen said, his breathing a little ragged.

“I bet I can find more.  Lay down for me.”

Jensen stretched out on his back, sinking into the downy soft comforter.  He wasn’t nervous this time.  He felt wanton, knowing now that Jared was looking at him with desire and not judgment.

Jared turned on the edge of the bed to sit facing him.  “Ready to take some direction?” he said, rubbing Jensen’s ankle lightly.

Jensen nodded.  “Aren’t you going to take your clothes off too?”

“Not just yet.  This is about you right now,” Jared replied.  “I noticed you liked it when I kissed your nipples.  You like how that feels?”

Jensen blushed.  “Yes.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about it.  I never want you to be embarrassed about stuff like that when you’re with me.” Jared said earnestly.  “Let’s start there first.  I want you to wet the tip of your finger in your mouth and then draw a little circle around your nipple.”

Jensen did as he was told, watching Jared watch him as he held his index finger between his lips and coated it with the tip of his tongue.  Jared’s pupils darkened and Jensen felt a little rush of power.  He understood the game then.  Jared might be the one telling him what to do, but Jensen was the one who was in control.  It was crazy hot to see how he much of an effect he could make on the man he’d been dreaming about for so long.

He rubbed his wet fingertip over one dusky pink bud, feeling it harden with the stimulation.  A little wave of pleasure broke over his skin, teasing a line of goosebumps up on his arms.

“Good,” Jared said.  “Now the other one.”

Jensen gave his other index finger the same treatment, wetting it and rubbing the tip over his other nipple, working them both at the same time.  His lips parted open on a shaky little breath as the sensation intensified.  His cock twitched in response. 

“Pinch them a little bit.”

Jensen did, rolling the hard little peaks between the pads of his fingers.  Just that bit of extra pressure made a huge difference, driving more feeling into the already sensitive points.  He pinched harder, skirting that edge between pleasure and pain.  He let out a little moan, surprised at himself to find that he liked it so much.

“Fuck, Jen,” Jared swore.  “You look so goddamn pretty all spread out like that.”  He pushed the heel of his palm down against the bulge in his jeans.  “Touch yourself for me.”

 Jensen slid his hands down his body, putting on as much of a show as he could.  He could feel Jared’s gaze across this skin and even though he was well acquainted with his own dick, having an audience when he wrapped his fingers around it made everything ten times hotter.  Stroking himself slowly, he squeezed the head a little on each tug to milk as much pre-come as he could, running his thumb over his slit and spreading the sticky slickness all over.

Jared licked his lips and palmed his cock through his jeans.  “That how you do it when you’re all by yourself?”

Jensen arched his hips up off the bed and stroked faster, spurred on by the rough texture of Jared’s voice.  “Like this.”  He twisted his wrist, dragging his fingertips up the thick vein underneath. 

“Do you ever think about me when you do it?”

Jensen smiled to himself, sliding his hand down to tug a little on his balls which were heavy with arousal.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t think about you like that.”

Jared’s face fell for a second until he got the joke.  Then he grinned at Jensen appreciatively.  “You little shit.  Throwing my words in my face.  Just for that, playtime is officially over.”  Jared stood up and pulled his shirt up over his head, losing a button or two in his haste.  He yanked Jensen by the ankles, sliding him down the bed until his ass met the edge, his feet hitting the carpet.

“What are you doing!” Jensen yelped.

Jared knelt on the floor and tossed both of Jensen’s legs over his shoulders.  “Taking what I want.”  He wrapped his arms around Jensen’s thighs, pinning him in place as he swallowed his cock whole.

Jensen shouted wordlessly, grabbing at the comforter and fisting it in his hands for some kind of purchase.  He’d never felt anything like it in his life.  Hot and wet and ohsweetjesus suction like Jared was trying to suck the come right out of him.  His hips wanted to buck but Jared was holding him down so that he could do nothing but watch helplessly as Jared‘s mouth slid up and down his cock, lips tight around him and slick with spit.  It was the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

“Oh god, Jared,” he groaned when he felt Jared’s tongue stroking along the underside of his cock.  It was like magic, the way he seemed to be able to find just the right places to touch to make Jensen’s whole body feel like it was starting to burn up from the inside.  Jared’s tongue found the bundle of nerves under the head of his cock and danced there until Jensen was writhing and making noises that in no way resembled actual words.  Then Jared released one of his thighs and moved his hand down to Jensen’s balls, rubbing and rolling them in his palm.  Jensen felt his orgasm coiling low and tight in his belly, ready to catapult him right off the edge of the world.

“Ah fuck!  Stop, Jay.  I’m gonna come,” he moaned.  He tried to wriggle out of Jared’s grasp as he felt himself starting to lose control.  He didn’t want him to get a mouthful of come without any warning.

Jared on the other hand, didn’t seem to mind.  If anything, he mouth became even more urgent.  He took Jensen down all the way to the base until his cock was hitting the back of Jared’s throat. 

Jensen keened and grabbed a hold of Jared’s hair, holding on for dear life. 

Jared moaned around Jensen’s dick and slid one finger down to tease at the rim of Jensen’s hole.

The shock of that touch, where no one had ever touched him before, sent a chain reaction through Jensen’s body.  He came like a shot, crying out Jared’s name and arching his torso up off the bed like he’d been electrified. 

Jared held his hips down firmly, riding him through the shockwaves and swallowing around his cock.  When he finally let Jensen go, he licked the come off his lips like he’d just had the most delicious desert he’d ever tasted.

Completely boneless and wrung dry, Jensen felt like he could float right up to the ceiling.  Endorphins chasing merrily through his blood, he sighed as he felt the bed dip next to him with Jared’s weight. 

“You ok?” Jared asked, dropping a kiss to his forehead.

His eyelids growing heavy, Jensen hummed in his throat.  He really couldn’t make his mouth work well enough at the moment to form words.

Jared chuckled and wrapped his arms around him to drag him far enough up the bed to reach the pillows.  Jensen tried to help but his limbs felt impossibly heavy.  Good thing Jared was strong enough for the both of them.

Comfortably arranged now with Jared cuddled up close to his back, the heat of his body enveloping Jensen as much as the strong arms that cradled him, Jensen‘s eyes fell closed without his permission.

He was so tired all of a sudden.  He just needed to rest his eyes a bit.

~~~

“Jensen?”

Consciousness wavered elusively in and out of Jensen’s mind.  He felt sure that he hadn’t slept nearly as long as his body seemed to want him to.

“Baby, come on.  You’ve got to get up.”

That was Jared’s voice.  What was Jared doing in his apartment?

Jensen struggled to open his eyes.  Jared’s face smiled down at him.  Not a bad way to wake up all things considered.

“Mrgh.” Jensen said intelligently.  His mouth was dry and his tongue felt too sizes too big.

Jared laughed and ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair.  “I’m sorry.  I wish I could let you sleep but its late already and we’ve got to get you home.”

Home?  Jensen propped himself up on his elbows.  Oh right.  Jared wasn’t in his apartment, he was in Jared’s.  In his bed actually, naked but for a blanket that had been thoughtfully thrown over him at some point.  Then he remembered how and why he’d gotten that way and he couldn’t help but grin.  He stretched like a cat and curled himself into Jared’s chest. 

Why was Jared wearing a shirt again?  Jared should not wear shirts.  Ever.

“How long was I asleep?” he mumbled

“About an hour.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to pass out on you.”  Something occurred to Jensen then.  Somehow in the middle of everything he’d forgotten about what Jared needed.  “Wait, did you…I don’t remember doing anything for you.”

“I ah…took care of things myself.”

Jensen felt terrible.  Not only had he left Jared hanging, he missed out on satisfying his own curiosity about what Jared would feel like, look like, and _oh god_ taste like when he came.  “I’m so sorry, Jay.  Really, I wanted to-

“It’s okay” Jared said, rubbing his back lightly.  “I took it as a compliment.”

“Good.” Jensen smiled sleepily.  “You definitely should.  That’s never happened to me before.  None of that ever happened to me before but I really really liked it.  Can we do it again?”

Jared laughed, the sound of it rumbling in his chest under Jensen’s ear.  “Now?  As much as I’d like to we don’t have time.”

“Not now.”  Jensen said, playing with one of the empty buttonholes on Jared’s shirt.  “Soon though, okay?”

Jared planted a kiss on the top of his head.  “Okay.  If you insist.”

Jensen sat up and returned his kiss, pressing lightly against Jared’s lips.  He tasted like toothpaste.  Jared must have brushed his teeth while he was asleep.  Which makes sense, considering what he’d been doing with that talented tongue of his earlier.  Jensen kissed him again, licking into his mouth to chase that minty flavor.

Jared moaned and brought his arms up around Jensen to pull him in tighter.

Jensen plastered himself to Jared’s body, hands roaming down the thick cords of muscle under Jared’s clothes. 

Jared’s hands captured his wrists, stilling them.  “Jen, you’re killing me.  We really have to go.”

“Okay.  Okay.”

Fifteen minutes later, they dusted the snow off of Jared’s car and piled in, ratcheting the heat all the way up as they drove through the hushed streets of the city.  Jensen snuggled down in his seat, pulling the collar of his jacket up around his ears.  He watched Jared drive, half-amazed that such a gorgeous person existed, no less one that seemed just as infatuated with him as he was.

“When can I see you again?” he asked.

Jared pursed his lips.  “Not until after Christmas unfortunately.  Like I said, my whole family is going to be in San Antonio, and they’re expecting me to come too.  I’m flying out tomorrow afternoon.”

Jensen frowned.  He didn’t like the idea of Jared being farther away from him than a subway ride.

“You have any plans for New Years?” Jared asked, glancing his way.

“No.  Do you?”

“I do actually.”

“Oh,” Jensen replied, trying not to sound too disappointed.  Of course Jared had plans.  He probably had at least ten different parties that he was already invited to.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty exclusive little shindig.  VIP only.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.  Only two people on the guest list.  Me and you.”

Jensen beamed at him.  If Jared wasn’t busying driving he’d already have a lap full of excited teenager.  “You’re pretty great you know that?”

Jared took one hand off of the steering wheel and linked his fingers with Jensen’s.

“I was just thinking the same thing about you.”


	6. Part 6

Jared paced his living room anxiously.  He should have just gone to pick Jensen up.  

A whole week in Texas with his family, evading his sister’s not so gentle ribbing about his new “glow” and his mother’s constant questions about his love life had worn his patience thin despite how much he enjoyed spending time with them.  The only relief available was hanging out on the couch with his dad watching _Miracle on 34 th Street_ for the millionth time until his brother and his sister-in-law came by to offer some much needed distraction.

He’d tried not to call too much.  It was ridiculous how greedy he was for Jensen’s attention now that he’d gotten a taste of what it could be like between them.  Like an addict after his first fix, he was riding high and already craving more. 

This was something that he’d never experienced before.  Even as a teenager himself he’d always been slightly guarded with the people he dated after watching his older brother get his heart broken over and over again before he’d finally met Kathy.  Ever the optimist, Jeff never seemed to learn from his mistakes while Jared on the other hand never really let himself get attached to anyone for fear of getting hurt. 

Now with Jensen everything was a clean slate.  No filters, no mind games, and no pretentious posturing like with some of the other men he’d dated.  Everything was new and exciting because Jensen was experiencing it all for the first time.  Jared wanted to do everything he could to make sure that every new first for them was as special as he could make it.  As a result, he was probably more nervous about that night and where it could lead than he’d been about any other date in his life.

He’d given up pacing and was pouring himself a quick belt of scotch instead when he finally heard a knock at his door.  Jared ran to open it and felt his heart do a little flip when he saw the mile wide grin on Jensen’s face.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Jensen’s cheeks were flushed pink from the cold and he had snowflakes in his hair and on his eyelashes.  Jared just couldn’t help himself.  He grabbed Jensen by the front of his coat and pulled him in for a searing kiss.  All the tension he’d been carrying immediately lifted away. 

More at ease than he’d felt all week, he leaned his forehead against Jensen’s and sighed happily.  “Hi.”

Jensen licked his lips.  “I think we covered that.”

“How long do I have you for?”

Jensen chuckled and pulled back enough to look Jared in the eye.  “My mom went over to Brian’s.  If his New Year’s Eve party is anything like last year’s was I don’t expect to see her until after noon tomorrow.  I guess that means you have me all night.  If you want me.”

Jared pushed the door shut behind Jensen and pressed him against it.  “I want you.”  He nuzzled at the side of Jensen’s neck, drinking in his scent.  “You really don’t have to question that, believe me.  Just consider it a given.” 

Jensen slid his hands up to rest on Jared’s shoulders.  “I missed you.”

Jared nipped along his jawline, working his way back to the lips he’d been dreaming about for the past week.  “I missed you too.”

With a little wriggle and a soft whoosh of fabric Jensen’s coat fell to the floor.  Neither of them paid it any attention as they were both far too focused on devouring each other.  Jared slid a thigh in between Jensen’s legs and pressed gently, feeling the weight of Jensen’s cock as it thickened with arousal.  Jensen moaned into his mouth and rutted against him eagerly. 

Jared hadn’t planned this but they were both too wound up to put on the brakes.  Better to hit the release value now before they exploded.  He unzipped them both and gripped their cocks in one hand.  Jensen was like warm silk against his skin and already leaking wet.  Jared watched as precome dripped from Jensen’s slit and soothed the friction of their erections sliding against each other.  He couldn’t tear his eyes away as he thrust his hips up, grinding them together.

Jensen gasped and tossed his head back, thunking it on the door behind him.  He copied Jared’s movements, fucking his fist in counterpoint to his rhythm.  “Oh god that’s good,” he moaned.  He clutched at Jared’s shoulders, holding on for dear life as he rocked his hips mindlessly towards climax.  Moments later, the pent up frenzy of desire that had been building in their week apart finally reached its peak and tipped him over the edge.  Knees buckling beneath him, he slammed his eyes shut and spurted all over Jared’s hand.

“Yes!  Oh fuck yes,” Jared groaned.  He stroked Jensen through his orgasm, reveling in the feeling of that added wetness slicking his grip.  He could feel his own pleasure building, ready to burst.  Jared released Jensen’s spent cock and sped up his motions on his own.

“Wait,” Jensen said, his voice breathy and low.  “Let me?”

Jared nodded dumbly and absently wiped his hand on the hem of his shirt.  More than anything he wanted his shy beautiful boy to touch and taste and explore freely without reservation.  He wasn’t about to stop him now for anything, dry cleaning be damned.

Jensen tucked his cock back into his jeans and sunk to his knees.  He licked his lips nervously, leaving them plump and glistening pink.

Jared froze, paralyzed by the sight in front of him.  Sin never looked so heavenly before.

The first tentative kitten-lick of Jensen’s tongue on his rigid flesh sent Jared’s eyes rolling back into his head.  He was already so close.

Jensen licked his way around the head of Jared’s cock, lapping up his own come and cleaning Jared off.  His green eyes flicked up to Jared’s searching for approval, his pupils blown wide with lust.

Jared gave it with a gentle brush of his fingertips across Jensen’s cheek.  “You like that, huh?  See how good you taste?  Go ahead, keep going.”

Emboldened, Jensen took Jared’s cock in his hand.  Parting his lips, his kissed it’s head with hot open mouth caresses of his soft pink tongue.  He continued, kissing his way all the way down to the base and back up the underside.  He was too inexperienced to realize how torturous his teasing was but Jared grit his teeth and endured it.  Finally, Jensen took Jared into his mouth, his lips wrapped tightly around his shaft and sucking lightly like he was enjoying a popsicle.

Jared moaned loudly as Jensen suckled him.  He forced himself to stay motionless because as much as he wanted to fuck that sweet little mouth he knew he was too big for Jensen to take like that on his first try.  Instead he sent up a silent prayer for patience and put a guiding hand on the back of Jensen’s head, encouraging him as his mouth slid up and down Jared’s cock.  It was messier than he usually liked and he felt the light scrape of Jensen’s teeth more than once, but that being said it was mind-blowingly hot to know that he was the first. 

“Fuck, Jen.  So good.  You’re doing so good for me.  Gonna come real soon.  Think you can swallow it all?”

Jensen nodded as best he could with Jared’s cock trapped between his lips.  He changed his pace, bobbing his head up and down and sucking hard.

That was all it took.  Jared cried out as he came, digging his fingers into Jensen’s hair and stilling his head so that he wouldn’t choke.  Jensen swallowed dutifully and proceeded to lick him clean again until Jared couldn’t stand it any longer on his over-sensitized flesh. 

“Ah!  Okay, okay.  That’s enough for now.”  He pulled back from Jensen’s mouth and gingerly tucked himself away as Jensen got up off his knees.

“Did I do it right?” Jensen asked, his lips rubbed bright pink and still slick with traces of spit and come.

Jared hugged his arms around Jensen’s waist and kissed him, chasing the taste of himself in that delicious young mouth.  “You did great.  Thank you, baby.”

They kissed a minute longer, slow and lazily affectionate now that the animal need between them had been sated for the moment.  Jared came to his senses first, realizing that he hadn’t even let Jensen more than two steps away from his front door yet.  He was usually much more of a gentleman than that but there was something about Jensen that kept making him break all of his own rules.  It was kinda scary and kinda wonderful at the same time.

Jared gave him one final brief kiss, this time on the nose and then picked Jensen’s coat off the floor.  “I hope you’re hungry,” he said as he hung it on the hook for him.

“I’m a teenager.  I’m always hungry.”

“Good,” Jared laughed.  He took Jensen’s hand and led him into the kitchen.  “How about a little taste of Texas?  My mom made her famous chili for Christmas Eve dinner so I froze a container of it and brought it back with me.”

“Really?  That’s so awesome.”

“Wait till you try it.”  Jared crossed to the fridge and pulled the container of chili from the freezer.   “I wait all year for this stuff.  Then we’ll break out the champagne and watch the ball drop.”

“Champagne?” Jensen asked excitedly, leaning his elbows on the kitchen island.

Jared sent him a look as he took a pot from where it hung on the overhead rack and set it on the stove.  “Just one glass for you, you lush.  I don’t want to have to peel you off the floor again.”

“Aw come on,” Jensen wheedled.  “It’s a special occasion, isn’t it?  I can handle it.”

Jared sighed.  He really had to get better at saying no.  But that could wait for another night.  “Two, then.  Only cause it’s a special occasion.  I’m corrupting you enough as it is.”  He tried to sound firm about it but the slight smile at the corners of his mouth gave him away immediately.

“You like corrupting me.” Jensen retorted with a cheeky grin.

Jared’s smile grew in response before he could stop himself.  He shook his head in disbelief at his own transparency.  Well, he didn’t have to admit it.

“Silverware’s in the lefthand drawer and bowls are in the cupboard next to the sink,” he instructed, all business again.  “Why don’t you make yourself useful and set the table?”  Then Jared softened the order with an affectionate wink.  “Brat.”

~~~

Two minutes to midnight found them curled on the couch in front of the TV together watching the latest leather-clad pop music princess swivel her hips across the main stage in Times Square.  With bellies full of Mama’s chili and some mint chocolate ice cream to finish it off, they were happily enjoying their glasses of bubbly and ready to ring in the new year.  Almost.

“I forgot the grapes!” Jared exclaimed, unraveling himself from Jensen and sprinting into the kitchen.

“What?”

He returned with a small bowl of grapes and handed it to Jensen.  “It’s a Padalecki family tradition.”  He reclaimed his seat next to Jensen and slung his arm around him.  “My parents picked it up from their honeymoon in Spain.  You’re supposed to eat one grape for every month of the year at midnight for good luck and prosperity.”

Jensen popped a grape into his mouth.  “Good thing you remembered them then.  You could have jinxed us for a whole year.”

Jared tousled Jensen’s hair.  “Nah.  I’m feeling pretty lucky lately.”

“You’re a real sap, you know that?” Jensen said with a roll of his eyes.

“And completely unapologetic about it too.”  Jared agreed.  He topped off their champagne glasses as the screen cut from Ryan Seacrest to the huge crystal ball flashing brightly colored lights high atop One Times Square.  The countdown was beginning.

Ten.  Nine.  Eight.  Seven.  Six.  Five.  Four.  Three.  Two.  One.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Streamers and balloons fell from the sky as the crowd erupted into cheers.  “Auld Lang Syne” began to play over the din.  Jensen sat up on his knees, and put his arms around Jared’s neck, one hand still holding the bowl of grapes.  “Happy New Year, Jay.”

“Happy New Year.”  The kiss was soft, slow, and sweet.  Absolutely perfect.

When they released each other the opening lines of “New York, New York”were playing.  The camera panned from couple to couple in Times Square sharing their own New Years embraces with confetti in their hair.  Jared saw the love on their faces and knew exactly how they were feeling. 

“I love this song.”  Jensen commented as he counted out twelve grapes and poured them into Jared’s cupped hands.  He was little tipsy already and apparently in a sharing mood.  “Even before we moved here.  Now I hear it and I feel like a real New Yorker.”

“You can’t go wrong with Sinatra.”  Jared crunched down on a mouthful of grapes, the juice bursting onto his tongue.  “He’s my mom’s favorite.  She gets all dreamy over him like a freaking schoolgirl.”

Jensen stuffed his cheeks full of grapes like a chipmunk.  “Your mom’s got good taste.”

Jared looked at him incredulously.  “You’re kidding me?  You too?”

Jensen wiped grape juice from his chin, his attention focused on the TV screen.  “Mm-hmm.  I’m a sucker for blue eyes.”

Jared was momentarily struck by the mental image of Kerr’s smoky blue orbs.  He took a sip of champagne to wash the bitter flavor of jealously out of his mouth.  “So I guess you like them better than hazel then?” he asked, trying to make it sound lighthearted and casual.  He wasn’t an insecure guy but he was well aware of the fact that Kerr was pretty damn great looking and certainly the more appropriate choice for Jensen than he’d ever be.

Cocking his head like a confused puppy, Jensen stared at him a moment.  Then realization dawned and he understood what Jared was really asking.  Putting aside the grapes, he grabbed his glass and emptied it in two gulps.  Then he leaned in and took Jared’s face gently in his hands.  “Blue’s got nothing on hazel.  Hazel is perfect.  Hazel is everything I want.”

Jared felt the last little knot of worry inside him loosen and fade away.  “Now who’s the sap?”

“Yeah well, I think we’ve established you’re a terrible influence on me.”

Whatever reply Jared might have been formulating disappeared instantly from his mind when Jensen’s lips met his.  It was next to impossible to string two thoughts together with his eager tongue invading Jared’s mouth with the flavors of fresh grapes and Veuve Clicquot.

“I usually take a shower before I go to bed.” Jared rushed out between kisses.  “Wanna take one with me?”

“Okay.  But it's a little early to go to sleep isn’t it?”

“I have no intention of letting you sleep anytime soon.”

Jared led Jensen upstairs to the bathroom and grabbed some towels for them.  While the water warmed to just the right temperature he went about undressing them both, taking special care with Jensen to go slowly and unwrap him like a present.  They stepped in and the steam from the shower engulfed them like a warm embrace.  Jared lathered up bar of soap in his hands with a washcloth.  Water cascaded down their bodies and he followed its path with frothy white bubbles, scrubbed first perfunctorily across his skin and then worshipfully over Jensen’s.  He’d thought that a naked Jensen was his favorite thing to play with.  That was until he got his hands on a naked _and wet_ Jensen. 

“I can hardly believe you’re real sometimes.” Jared said softly, kissing the top of his shoulder.

“Me?” Jensen scoffed.  He ran his hands down the flat planes of Jared’s stomach and over the sharp edges of his hipbones.  “Look at you.  You’re the one who should be in front of the camera.”

Jared felt his cock twitch at Jensen’s touches.  The slippery slide of wet skin was intoxicating.  He wanted Jensen to keep trailing his fingers lower and lower, but if he did Jared was going to come right in there in the shower.  He had other plans for their first night together. 

“I was once,” he commented as he turned Jensen and started washing his back.  “When I was a little bit older than you.”

“You never told me that.”

“I didn’t do it for long.  Gloria kept pushing me to try it out so I did.  It was okay, but I figured out that I much more interested in being on the other side of the lens.” 

Jared watched as soapy foam dripped down into a little dimple where the small of Jensen’s back met the top of his ass.  All of the blood left in his brain promptly took a similar trip south. 

Jensen’s breath hitched and he let his eyes close as Jared dragged the washcloth in massaging circles over his asscheeks.  “You’ve got to show me those pictures sometime,” he said, his voice sounding thin as he tried to maintain his composure.  “I bet you-“

“I want you.  Tonight.”  Jared rasped, cutting him off.  He was only human and he had his limits.  He wrapped one arm around Jensen and pulled him up against himself.  The washcloth fell discarded as two soapy fingers sought out the furled muscle of Jensen’s hole and rubbed lightly.  “Please tell me you want it too.”

Jensen’s head fell back in surrender to rest against Jared’s chest.  “Yes.  I want it.  I want it to be you.”

Even though he’d felt certain that they were on the same page, it was more than just relief he felt at hearing those words.  It was like being handed the keys to a factory-new Ferrari.  He nibbled the lobe of Jensen’s ear.  “I’m going to let you finish up here,” he whispered darkly.  “Get yourself all squeaky clean for me.  Then come meet me in the bedroom.”

With one last brief kiss to slippery wet skin, Jared stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself in a towel.  He left Jensen there in the shower with his cock standing at attention and a dazed look on his face. 

~~~

By the time Jensen walked into the bedroom, towel slung low around his waist, Jared had finished setting the scene.  His first time had been awkward fumblings and more pain than pleasure with his face smashed into the dusty cushions of a couch in the basement of his friend’s house.  He was going to make sure that Jensen got a hell of a lot better than that.

“Wow,” Jensen said, eyes wide and darting around the room.  “Jay, you didn’t have to do this.”

Jared shrugged a little bashfully.  “I wanted to.  What can I say?  I’m a romantic.” 

The lights were dimmed low and candles glowed subtly around the bedroom, creating just enough light so that they could see all of each other while allowing Jensen a hint of modesty.  The bed was covered in a navy satin sheet and two fresh glasses of champagne were sitting on the nightstand.  Jared picked them up and handed one to Jensen.

“Here.  We never did a New Year’s toast.”

 “Yeah.”  Jensen accepted it with a little laugh.  “Okay.  I’m good with some more champagne.”

Jared raised his glass.  “Here’s to starting the new year off together.”

Jensen raised his in return, eyes dark and mischievous.  “Here’s to starting the new year off with a bang.”

Jared choked on a laugh, almost spitting out his drink.

“See what I did there?” Jensen smirked.

“Very cute.  What happened to that nice shy guy I met all those months ago?”

“You fed him compliments and gave him a reason to believe them.”

Jared pulled him towards the bed and set both of their glasses down on the nightstand.  Then he turned to Jensen and enveloped him in his arms.  “Are you nervous?”

Jensen swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.  His eyes darted up from the knot in Jared’s towel to meet his eyes.  “A little.”

“You don’t need to be.  It’ll sting a bit at first but then it gets a lot better, I promise.  I’m going to make sure I do everything I can to make it feel good, okay?”

Jensen nodded and unhooked the towel from his waist, letting fall to the floor.  Jared smiled and kissed him, pushing his own towel down to land with Jensen’s.  Naked, they climbed onto the bed and lay wrapped up in each other, making out slowly at first, reawakening the need that they’d been teasing at in the shower.  It wasn’t long before they were both rock hard again.

“Do you trust me?”  Jared asked, his voice thick with want.

“Yes.”

“Good.  Get on your hands and knees.”

Jensen bit his lip nervously but he did as he was told.  Jared moved down the bed, coming up behind him.  He framed Jensen’s waist with his hands, stroking down his flanks like he was trying to gentle a skittish animal.  His hands traveled further, rubbing circles over the meat of Jensen’s ass mimicking how he’d touched him before in the shower.

“What I’m going to do now might feel weird but just go with it.  Trust me, you’re gonna love it and it’ll get you nice and ready for me.”

Jensen shifted a bit but didn’t pull away.  “Okay.  I trust you.”

With both hands, Jared spread Jensen’s cheeks apart exposing his tiny pink hole.  “Holy fuck,” he swore with a reverent tone.  Every part of Jensen was simply perfect.  Jared felt his mouth watering just by looking.  Good thing he didn’t have to settle for just looking.

The first brush of Jared’s tongue made Jensen squeak with shock.  “Holy fuck!”

Undaunted, Jared lapped at his hole in short flat swipes until he felt Jensen relax into the sensation.  Then he went to work.  He licked and sucked and worshipped, fucking his tongue into Jensen’s body.  Jensen moaned and dropped to his elbows, canting his hips and spreading his legs wider.  The little whimpers that he made as Jared rimmed him were insanely hot.  They made Jared even more eager to find out what other sounds he could draw out of him.  He slid a finger in next to his tongue, pulling Jensen’s hole open wider so that he could get deeper to those taught fluttering muscles inside.

“Oh god,” Jensen moaned.  “Oh my fucking god.”

“You’re doing so good for me, Jen.  Just relax.  You’re so tight.  Gotta loosen you up so I don’t hurt you.”

Jared kept up his assault, alternately fucking Jensen with his tongue and his finger trying to pleasure him as much as he was trying to prepare him.  When he added a second spit-slicked finger he brushed Jensen’s prostate. 

“Ngh!”  Jensen shuddered violently.  His cock was flushed dark with blood and was leaking profusely but he made no move to touch himself.  He was giving himself up completely to Jared’s mercy.  Again and again, Jared nudged his fingertips up against that bundle of nerves and Jensen pushed back against him begging for more.  Then he slid a third finger into Jensen’s spit slick hole.  Jensen moaned and pushed back against him, fucking himself on Jared’s hand. 

“That’s it.  So good, Jen.  You take it so good.”

“P-please, Jay.  I gotta…I need…”

“It’s okay, baby.  You want to come?”

“Yes!  Yes, please!”  Jensen whined, close to tears.

“Okay.”  Jared twisted his fingers and pressed against his prostate.  “Come for me.”

Jensen keened and jolted on the bed as he came untouched, shooting hard across the satin sheet.  Jared folded himself over Jensen and hugged him to his chest, holding him through it even as his fingers continued to fuck him steadily through the aftershocks.  He could feel Jensen trembling with the rush of it.

“Good boy,” he soothed, sliding his fingers free.  He half-guided, half-dragged the now boneless Jensen away from the wet spot.

Jensen collapsed onto his side, panting hard.  Jared lay down behind him and rubbed his back until his rapid-fire heartbeat started to come back to normal.  His own cock was angry red and impossibly hard from being ignored so long.  He couldn’t bear to wait any longer.

“Feel good?”

Jensen nodded enthusiastically, still too overwhelmed for speech.

Jared kissed his shoulder blade.  “I need you now, Jen.  Need to fuck you so bad.  You want me to?”

Jensen leaned into him and craned his neck back for a kiss.  “Want you.” 

Reaching over to the nightstand, Jared pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom.  He hissed through his teeth as he rolled it on, so sensitized that he knew he wasn’t going to last long.  To stave it off, he squeezed the base of his cock hard when he lubed himself up.  He wasn’t sure if he could make Jensen come again so soon but he wanted to hang in there long enough to try. 

“Okay,” Jared said, as he pushed Jensen’s thigh up, positioning him so that his knee was pulled up to his chest.  “Breathe out.”  He lined his cock up with Jensen’s hole and pushed inside.  Even sloppy with spit and loose from his orgasm Jensen was tight enough to make Jared feel all the breath punch out of him as he slid home.  It felt so mind-meltingly good.  Like he was ready to fly apart at any moment. 

Jensen gave a choked off little whimper at the burn as Jared split him open on his cock. 

Jared struggled to hold himself in check.  He wrapped his arms around Jensen and covered the back of his neck in kisses, whispering nonsense into his skin as he rubbed Jensen’s stomach trying to soothe him through the pain.  “Shhh.  It’s okay, baby.  Just relax.”

He put a hand on Jensen’s chin, turning his head for a kiss.  Jensen curved his arm back to grab the nape of Jared’s neck, holding him there and taking possession of his mouth.  Jared breathed hard through his nose, encouraged by Jensen’s eagerness.  He started to move, rolling his hips up and fucking into Jensen slow and deep, his lips never leaving Jensen’s. 

Jensen moaned into his mouth wantonly. 

Pumping his hips faster, Jared felt is orgasm starting to build and he knew he didn’t have much longer.  He slid his hand down to Jensen’s cock and started stroking him, getting him hard quickly with stimulation now coming from all sides.  Thank fuck for the teenage libido.

“Think you can come again?”

“Yes,” Jensen answered, desperation in his voice.  “Oh fuck!  Jay, don’t stop.  You feel so good.”

Jared’s fingers dug into Jensen’s hip, pinning him in place.  “That’s it, baby.  Feel me filling you up.  So fucking hot and tight around my cock.  Taking it so good.  Like you were made for this.”

Precome burst from Jensen’s slit at the beautiful filth that Jared whispered into his ear.  He fisted the sheet beneath him in one hand and Jared’s hair in the other as he kissed him fiercely. 

Jared pistoned his hips, fucking Jensen hard and fast as he jacked his cock. 

Screaming Jared’s name, Jensen’s muscles went rigid all over as he came in thick white blurts.  His second orgasm ripping through him and making him buck his hips back as Jared thrust forward.  His inner muscles contracted, clamping down on Jared’s cock. 

Jared groaned loudly in response and finally let himself go.  He came, fucking deep into Jensen and staying there as his cock throbbed with release.  Heartbeat going a mile a minute, he spooned himself around Jensen, wanting to stay inside him for a long as possible.  Maybe forever.

For a long time he held onto Jensen and Jensen held onto him, just listening to each other breathing.  Their bodies gone liquid and their limbs heavy with exhaustion.  Finally, Jared slipped his cock free and tried to get up to throw away the condom.

“Where are you going?” Jensen asked sleepily.

“Shh.  Don’t move.  I’ll be right back.”

He cleaned himself up in the bathroom and then returned with a damp washcloth for Jensen who lay pliant for him while Jared wiped him down.

“So much for that shower, huh?” Jensen joked.  “All you did was get me dirty again.”

Jared tossed the washcloth in the general vicinity of his clothes hamper.  “Getting you dirty was the whole point in the first place,” he replied with a lazy grin.

He hugged Jensen to him like a giant teddy bear and buried his nose in the dark blonde down at the nape of his neck.  He could still smell his soap on Jensen’s skin and he couldn’t help but smile with deep satisfaction.  “Happy New Year, baby,” he sighed.

“Happy New Year.”


	7. Part 7

For two perfect months, Jensen had just about everything he ever wished for.  Maybe not entirely perfect, because although he managed to see Jared at least once a week he wasn’t able to sleepover again since their first night together.  He could make excuses to his mom for where he was spending his Saturday nights but even with the hours that she worked at the bar and the personal time that she spent with his agent Brian, she would notice if he was out all night.  His most frequent cover story was that he was hanging out with Kerr.  It was just easier to let his mom think that he and Kerr had kept seeing each other, but in actuality he had called Kerr the morning after Jared’s show and told him that he just wanted to be friends.  Kerr was a good guy.  He took it well and Jensen was really grateful that they’d been able to maintain something of friendship.  It was nice sometimes to have someone his age to text or trade emails with, especially since they knew a lot of the same people now from various go-sees and photoshoots.

The time that he did get to spend with Jared was always the best part of his week.  They couldn’t really go out together, so most of the time they just stayed at Jared’s house and ordered in since neither of them could cook worth a damn.  Most weekend nights found them stretched out on the couch in front of the TV, Jensen’s head on Jared’s chest, with various cartons of takeout scattered around the coffeetable.  The apartment felt like their sanctuary.  A safe little bubble where they didn’t have to worry about what anyone else might think or say about them.  Jared made sure that Jensen felt at home there and even went as far to give him a key so that he could drop by whether Jared was home or not and fix himself a sandwich and a quick shower in between go-sees.  Sometimes Jared would leave him little notes wishing him luck on his auditions or reminding him to bring an umbrella when he went out.  It was nice to have someone looking out for him and being thoughtful like that for him for once.

The night of Jensen's seventeenth birthday Jared booked them a reservation at a really swanky steakhouse for dinner.  His mom and Brian were both coming, along with Kerr, Jared's assistant Trish, and her boyfriend Danny.  Jensen was nervous about it but Jared insisted that everything would be fine and he shouldn't worry.  Still as the time grew nearer, Jensen was anxious about having Jared around in front of his mother now that they were together.  What if she saw right thought them?  Everything could come crashing down.

Jensen dressed in the new suit that his mom had bought him for his birthday, a soft grey color with a white shirt and silver colored tie.  He was fixing his tie in front of the bathroom mirror when his mom walked past the open door.

"You look good, honey!" she said, looking him up and down.  "I just knew that would be a great color on you."

"I think you were right.  Thanks again, mom."

"Kerr is going to love it," she added with a conspiratorial wink. 

"Mom!" Jensen whined with an exasperated roll of his eyes.

"I'm just saying.  So, how do I look?"  She smoothed her hand over her hair which was piled on top of her head in a mass of blonde curls and did a little turn to show off her lipstick red cocktail dress.  It was definitely an attention-getter but several degrees classier than her norm.  He was oddly proud of her for her efforts.

"You look amazing," he said with a smile and kissed her on the cheek.  It was more affection than they usually showed each other.  His mother didn't usually inspire affection but he was feeling magnanimous.

"Thanks," she said.  Her eyes looked a little damp when she pulled away from him.  “So,” she said, clearing her voice, “It was awfully nice of Jared to setup this little soiree tonight.”

“Yeah.”  Jensen fidgeted with the cuff of his suit jacket.  “He’s a nice guy.”

“Oh I don’t doubt it,” she commented breezily.  With that, she turned on her heel and sailed out of the room.  “Well come on, we don’t want to be late.”

~~~

Brian picked them up in his towncar and drove them over to the restaurant.  When they arrived Jared was waiting outside ready to greet them.  His eyes shone as he gave Jensen a typical platonic one-armed bro hug.  “Happy Birthday Jensen.  You look great, man.”

“Thanks.”  It was so weird to not be able to reach out and give Jared a hello kiss and he could tell that Jared was feeling it too.  Luckily Jared recovered faster than he did.

“Donna, Brian, good to see you both again,” Jared said looking past Jensen’s shoulder.  “Let’s head in.  Everyone’s already here and they’re anxious to see the birthday boy.”

They walked into the main dining room which was sumptuously decorated in rich burgundy, crisp white linen, and dark mahogany with crystal chandeliers overhead.  Jensen had never eaten anywhere quite so expensive looking.  He half expected the maître d’ to take one look at him and ask him to leave.  Jared led them to their table which was tucked away in a private room.

“Jensen!  Happy Birthday!” Trish exclaimed, getting up from her seat to give him a hug.  Her usual black on black no-nonsense-New Yorker attire had been replaced by a white lacy dress.  Jensen barely would have recognized her if not for her trademark blood red lipstick.  “Let me introduce you to my boyfriend, Danny.”

A lanky brown haired guy with a pierced lip and a tattoo of an anchor on his neck appeared at her side.  “Nice to meet you.  Happy Birthday by the way.  Thanks for letting me tag along,” he said shaking Jensen’s hand.

“Thanks for coming.  The more the merrier.” 

“Jensen!” 

Jensen turned at the sound of his name and was immediately caught up in a bear hug by Kerr.  He hugged his friend back but then quickly pulled away and put some distance between them, conscious of Jared staring at them with a tense set to his jaw.  “Hey!” he said to Kerr.  “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Like I was going to miss your birthday.  Come on.”

“Good to see you again, Kerr!” Donna said excitedly, patting his shoulder.  “Why don’t you take a seat over there so you can be by Jensen.  I know he’ll want to be next to you.”  She sent an exaggerated wink their way before turning to Brian and elbowing him in the rib to get his attention.  Brian winced but he took the hint and pulled her chair out for her.

Jensen sighed inwardly.  His mom seemed determined to make a big deal of his relationship with Kerr which, little did she know, didn’t actually exist.  Blissfully unaware of the ruse he was a part of, Kerr was more than happy to eat up her none too subtle hints about how great they looked together.  He hung on Jensen’s every word all through the appetizer course and into the entrees, touching Jensen’s arm unnecessarily, and staring at him just a little too intensely for simple friendship’s sake.  Jensen didn’t want to be rude but he felt like Kerr was getting the wrong idea, like Jensen might have changed his mind about them dating each other.  It was awkward and uncomfortable to say the least.  Thank god his steak was quite possibly the most delicious thing he’d ever eaten.  He kept his mouth full and did his best to stay out of the conversation his mom was having with Kerr about his favorite designers.

On the far side of the table, Jared was listening to Danny explain his latest sculpture project in great detail.  Jensen kept glancing Jared’s way hoping to get a read on his mood but either Danny was an amazing storyteller or Jared was purposefully avoiding making eye contact.  He was probably nervous too with Jensen’s mom right there, stealing bites of Brian’s swordfish off of his plate.

Trish laughed at something that Danny said and gave him a kiss on the cheek, making sure to wipe his skin clean of her lipstick.  He smiled at her and rubbed her back absently as he continued with whatever he’d been saying.  Jensen watched it happen and was suddenly incredibly jealous.  It was such a _couple_ moment.  One that Trish and Danny probably shared all the time right out in public and never thought twice about.  Would he and Jared ever have that?

Jensen looked around the table and took stock as everyone made smalltalk and laughed and dined together companionably.  It was all so ridiculous.  There he was pretending to be dating his friend while the guy he’d actually been dating for the past two months was less than ten feet away pretending that they were just friends.  Jensen didn’t want that at all.  He didn’t want to have the kind of relationship with Jared that his mom and Brian had.  Sitting there acting like they were just friends and business associates, like she wasn’t actually sleeping with a married man.  But when it came down to it, was his situation really all that different than his mom’s?  Weren’t they both playing the part of someone else’s dirty little secret?

Jensen set down his fork, his appetite completely gone.  “Excuse me,” he mumbled and headed for the men’s room before he gave in to his first impulse which was to run out of the restaurant entirely as fast as his legs would carry him. 

~~~

“Jensen?  Is everything okay?”

Jensen looked up from where he stood facing the bathroom sink and caught sight of Jared’s reflection in the mirror in front of him.  He was standing in the doorway with concern written all over his face. 

“I’m fine.”  Jensen turned to face him and tried to shrug it off.  “Just wanted to splash some water on my face.  You should go back.  Don’t want my mom to start to wonder about us, right?”

Jared shut the door behind him and leaned against it.  “She’s the one who sent me to check on you.  Look, you’re clearly not fine.  Talk to me.”

This wasn’t the place or the time but…  “Are you my boyfriend?”

Jared blinked at him in surprise.  “What?”

“It’s just – I know we can’t be…out, I guess, like a real couple.  But if we were – if we could, would you want to be?  With me.  Like a real boyfriend?”  God that sounded even more pathetic out loud than it did in his head.  “Nevermind.  Forget I said anything.”

“No!”  Jared sprang forward and grabbed Jensen by his shoulders.  “Jensen, stop.  What are you talking about?  Who says we’re not a real couple?”

“Are we?”

“I sure as hell thought we were!”  Jared stared at him in disbelief for a moment.  “Where is this even coming from?”

“I was watching my mom and Brian tonight.  We’re just like them aren’t we?  Sneaking around and lying to everybody.  That’s not what it should be like.  Not if you really belong together and want to be together.”  Jensen felt his face flush hot.  He wasn’t saying it right.  He was making a mess out of things and he could feel tears of frustration gathering behind his eyes.  “I know it’s not exactly the same.  We’re different because it’s a lot more serious if someone found out about us than if Brian’s wife found out about them.  But what I need to know is, if we didn’t _have_ to pretend in front of other people would it change anything?  Do you know what I mean?”

Jared’s face fell and let his grip on Jensen go lax.  “I think I do,” he said with a heavy sigh.  “Jensen, we are nothing like them.  I know you love your mom and no disrespect to her but they’re sneaking around because he’s married and he’s clearly choosing to stay married.  I’m sure he likes her a lot but if he loved her he’d be getting a divorce.  We’re different because if I had a choice in this that would give me the right to be with you all the time I would take it in a heartbeat.”

Jensen felt his heart swell in his chest.  “You would?”

“Yes.  Of course I would.”  Jared’s hands slid down to Jensen’s hips and pulled him in close.  “Don’t you get it?  I love you.” 

Jensen swallowed, battling back the tears in his eyes that were now threatening for a completely different reason.  “You never told me that before.”

“I’m sorry.  I should have.”  Jared kissed the bridge of his nose.  “If I could I would tell everyone.”  Jared kissed him again, this time diving down to capture his mouth.  Tender but firm.  Possessing what already belonged to him.  The world had a way of going all soft and hazy whenever Jared kissed him like that.

Jensen slid his hands up to rest on Jared’s chest.  The thrum of his heart was a steady rhythm underneath his palms.  “I love you too.”

Jared grinned, lighting up his whole face with happiness.  “So does that mean I still get to be your boyfriend?”

“I’ll think about it.” Jensen laughed.

“Aw, come on.  What’s it gonna take to get me a yes?  I am completely willing to resort to bribery if needed.  I may or may not already have a new iPod in the car with your name on it.”

“Bribery is good.”  Jensen had a feeling that’s what Jared was going to get him for his birthday since the screen on his had gotten cracked three weeks ago.  But at the moment with Jared fit tight up against him he had a much more pressing need in mind.  “And I could definitely use an iPod.  But you know what’s even better than an iPod?  An iPod and sex.”

Jared burst out laughing and gave him another short kiss.  “Wow.  Well I can’t fault your logic.  But I have a feeling if we stay in here much longer they’re going to send out a search party for us and we don’t want that do we?”

“No.”  Undaunted, Jensen bit his lip and tilted his hips a bit to rub against Jared’s.  Just thinking about kissing his way down his new boyfriend’s body was getting him hard.  “But later okay?  It’s been three whole days since the last time.  Need it soon.  Please, Jay.”

One of the large hands framing his hips slid down to cup Jensen’s ass and squeeze.  “Three days and you’re already begging for it.”  Jared’s voice dipped low and rough in his ear.  “Such a little slut for my cock, aren’t you baby?”

That tone of his never failed to send a little thrill up Jensen’s spine and back down again to his dick.  “Yes,” he admitted shamelessly.  “Only yours, Jay.  Only ever yours.”

Jared make a noise that was closer to a growl than actual words and kissed him hard, a promise of what he’d be treated to later.  Jensen opened for him with a muffled moan, taking everything that Jared had to give and offering more. 

It wasn’t a cute couple moment on casual display like Trish and Danny’s had been, but it was real and it was theirs.  Yes, for the time being they still had to lie in front of everyone else, but now that he knew how Jared felt about them Jensen had hope that maybe they’d be together long enough that one day they wouldn’t have to hide anymore.

If he hadn’t been so wrapped up in making out with Jared, he might have noticed the door crack open an inch or heard the quiet snick of Brian’s camera phone. 

Hiding wouldn’t be an option for very much longer.


	8. Part 8

Jared was sitting at his desk looking at a contact sheet of a photoshoot he’d worked on the day before.  He had to choose a few of the best options to present to his client, an up and coming designer who was a friend of Trish’s.  His designs were a little avant-garde but they made for some amazing pictures.  Jared had circled four with his grease pencil and was considering a fifth when he heard a key turn in his front door.

“Jared?  You home?”

Jensen.  Jared’s afternoon was suddenly looking up.  “Hey,” he said with a huge grin spreading across his face.  “What are you doing here?”  He got up and stretched his arms lazily over his head.

Jensen shut the door behind him.  “No appointments today.”  He walked over to where Jared was and playfully poked the strip of exposed skin just under his belly button where Jared’s shirt was riding up.

“Hey!” Jared dropped his arms and captured Jensen in them.  He snuffled his face into the crook of Jensen’s neck, tickling him and making him squirm to get away.

“Cut it out!”  Jensen laughed.

“Okay, okay,” Jared relented.  He ran his hands affectionately up and down the column of Jensen’s spine.  “So, no schoolwork today?”

“Well…” Jensen bit his bottom lip coyly.  “I was working on my calculus.  But I got distracted.”

“Distracted?”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded.  He slid a hand down between them to rub Jared’s dick through his jeans.  “Distracted.”

“Oh,” Jared replied, trailing off into a moan.  As much as he loved being able to manhandle Jensen, pinning him down and fucking him until he came, he also loved it when Jensen was the one to initiate it. 

“I was going to take care of things myself.  I was trying to.  But what I really wanted was this.”  Jensen deftly dragged the zipper of Jared’s jeans down and snaked a hand inside, closing tightly around his hardening cock. 

Jared’s eyes rolled back in this head.  All of his brain cells were beginning to short circuit.  “You were trying to?”

“Mm-hmm.  I was thinking about you and I was fingering myself.”

“Oh fuck.”

Jensen gave him a devious little smile and stroked him faster.  “I had two fingers inside.  Fucking myself and wishing it was you.  Even three wasn’t enough.”

Jared pictured him lying naked with three fingers deep in his ass, rocking against his hand and whimpering helplessly for more.  “Are you trying to kill me?”

Jensen took a few steps back and pulled his t-shirt off over his head, his green eyes gone forrest dark with arousal.  The look on his face sent his message loud and clear.  _Now_.

Jared advanced on him hungrily as he stripped off his shirt and pushed his jeans and underwear down to the floor.  His cock hung stiff and heavy with blood.

Jensen led him to the couch and surprised Jared by pushing him down to sit.  He slid his jeans down and stepped naked out of them.  He apparently hadn’t bothered with underwear and his own cock was already hard from the friction.

Jared lunged forward.  He snatched Jensen around the waist and pulled him onto his lap, devouring him with kisses.

Jensen squirmed against him, letting Jared’s cock rub against the crack of his ass.

Raw need radiated tension throughout Jared's body. He grabbed Jensen's ass, holding him open with one hand while he slipped two fingers of the other down to circle his hole.  His fingertips caught, then slid inside effortlessly as Jensen whined and bucked his hips eagerly.  His hole was already worked open and slick with lube from his earlier play.  Jared couldn’t help but groan at the slippery warm feel of him.

“God, Jen.  Look at you.  All wet and ready for me.  You rode the subway all the way here like this, didn’t you?  Little hole all slicked up and hungry for my cock.  All those strangers standing around you on the train going about their own business when you were right there just aching to get fucked.”

Jensen shuddered at his words and ground his dick down against Jared’s stomach.  “Please, Jay.”

“Okay, baby, okay.  I’ll give you what you want.  But first you’ve gotta let me up so I can go grab a condom.”

“No.  I don’t want you to.  Wanna feel you just like this.”  Jensen kissed him, dragging his teeth lightly over Jared’s bottom lip.  “Make me feel it.”

When his boyfriend begged like that, Jared really had no choice but to obey.  He lifted Jensen slightly by his hips and pushed the head of his cock up just enough to breach him with it.  Then he pulled Jensen down as he slowly thrust up, gritting his teeth at the incredible sensation of his bare cock filling Jensen up and sliding deep all the way to the base in one smooth motion.

Jensen gasped and grabbed Jared’s shoulders, digging his fingernails in hard enough to leave half-moon marks in his skin.  He fucked himself on Jared’s cock, riding him fast and hard.  It was all Jared could to do hold on while Jensen took over, demanding control like some force of nature set on demolishing any resistance in its path.  Sweat beaded up on his skin as his muscles flexed with each rise and fall of his body.  His cock bobbed up and down, trailing precome onto Jared’s abs.  Sweet little moans and rapid gasps of “ah, ah, ah!” fell from his flushed pink lips.  Jensen falling apart at the seams, swept up in pleasure was just about the hottest thing on earth.

Jared could feel himself starting to lose it.  It was just too good.  Too much happening too fast for him to hold on.  He thrust up, meeting Jensen’s pace as he rocked down on Jared’s cock.  He knew he hit Jensen’s sweet spot when Jensen cried out and convulsed around him.  Jared reached down and rubbed his fingers around Jensen’s rim, feeling it stretched wide around his cock as he fucked into it. 

“Jay!” Jensen whimpered.  “Gotta come.  Gotta come now.”

Jared slipped his free hand between them and grabbed Jensen’s cock, spreading precome down from where it weeped from his slit.  He jacked his hand up and down the shaft in time with the motion of Jensen’s hips as he rode him.  “Come, baby.  Want you to come all over me while I come in your ass.”

He barely got in half a dozen strokes before Jensen’s body locked up and he came hard, spurting thick and white onto Jared’s chest and stomach.  He trembled with the force of it, burying his face into Jared’s shoulder and muffling a scream against it as his orgasm ripped through him. 

Jared grabbed his ass and jackhammered up into him, chasing his own release and spiking Jensen’s pleasure even higher as he rode through the aftershocks.  Jared came, groaning loudly and crushing Jensen down on this lap till he was rooted all the way to the base, cock pulsing come deep inside him.  When it was over they were both sweaty and panting hard, shaking with the intensity of it as they held each other close. 

Jared’s lips found Jensen’s temple, pressing a soft kiss to his skin.  “That was…you...”  Words seemed to be having a hard time wading through his sex-melted brain.  “Love you.”

He could feel Jensen’s mouth curve into a smile against his shoulder.  “You too.”

~~~

An hour or so later, sated and dopey on some post-sex making out, Jensen begrudgingly admitted that he should get back to his calculus and let Jared get back to work.  As much as he would have liked to keep Jensen naked and cuddled up to him for the rest of the day, Jared had to agree.  Jensen’s schoolwork had to take priority over everything else.

They cleaned themselves up and collected their scattered clothing from the livingroom floor which looked like a small tornado hit it.  Once dressed, Jared walked Jensen to the door.

“So, yeah…anytime you wanna come interrupt me while I’m working again, please please please feel free to do so.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”  Jensen gave him a quick kiss and chased it with a smile as he backed out into the hallway.  “Call me later?”

“Will do.” 

Jared shut the door behind him feeling like a million bucks.  He padded barefoot into the kitchen and set about making himself a sandwich before getting back to work.  As he layered bread, ham, and cheese, he thought about Jensen and couldn’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot.  They hadn’t been together that long in the grand scheme of things and there were certainly a roadblock or two in their way that they’d have to deal with, the biggest of which being Jensen’s age, but he’d never been this happy being with anyone else before.  They fit together in ways that he’d never expected.  Never noticed that there had been empty spaces in his life until Jensen came along and filled them.  Jared was starting to think in terms of where they’d be in six months, in a year, in five.  He could see them spending vacations together, helping Jensen find time for college courses around his hectic modeling schedule, introducing him to his parents.  None of it spooked him at all. 

He was finishing off his lunch, thinking about maybe planning a trip for the two of them to Fire Island next summer when there was a knock on his door.  Jensen must have left his keys behind.  Not that Jared could blame him since he was at least half responsible for making the poor kid’s brain all sex-fogged.

“What happened?  You forgot something?” he called out teasingly as he jogged over and opened the door.

The bottom dropped out of his stomach like a roller coaster car in freefall when he saw Donna Ackles standing in his doorway.

“Hello,” she said brightly.  “Were you expecting someone else?”

“Ah…”  Jared stared at her as his mind scrambled for a half-way decent and hopefully believable response.  “Yes.  Trish.  You remember Trish, right?  My assistant?  I thought maybe she – but anyways, um please come in.”

“Thanks.”  Donna sailed in wearing leopard print leggings, (why some women seemed to think they were an adequate substitute for actual pants he’d never understand), and a black tank top with the name of the bar she worked at, Liquid Kitty, emblazoned across her chest in hot pink script.  She immediately made herself comfortable on his couch and Jared had a private internal freakout as he sat down in an armchair across from her.  About an hour ago he’d been fucking her son’s brains out mere inches away from where she was sitting.  He just hoped to God that there weren’t any suspicious damp spots or lingering smell of sex on the upholstery. 

“So, to what do I owe this visit?” he asked, trying to mask the nerves he was feeling.  What the hell was she even doing here?  She usually worked the day shift on Thursdays.  “Anything I can help you with?”

“I’m hoping that you can,” she said excitedly.  “I can’t stay long.  I only have an hour before I have to get back to the bar, but I wanted to talk to you about something and it’s urgent.”

What in the fresh hell was this all about?  “I’m all ears.”

Donna leaned forward conspiratorially even though they were alone in the apartment.  “A little birdy told me that your aunt GG is having an open call next week for the new menswear line she’s debuting at this year’s Fashion Week.”

“She’s my godmother actually.  Not an aunt,” Jared corrected her.  He had a sinking feeling about where she was going with this information and it wasn’t anywhere good.  “I hadn’t heard about that actually but Gloria doesn’t normally make a habit of sharing all the details of her business decisions with me.”

“Oh but don’t you see, honey?  This could be a wonderful opportunity for Jensen’s career.  I’m sure if you asked her to hire him-“

And there it was.  “Donna, I’m sorry but I have to stop you right there.  Normally I’m more than happy to help Jensen however I can but I really don’t feel comfortable pushing Gloria into hiring him.  I would never take advantage of my relationship with her like that.  Since it’s an open call he’ll have the opportunity to try out just like everyone else if he wants to.  Then if his look meshes with the concept BVG is going for I’m sure he’ll get a call back.  He’s a talented kid.”

“I know, I know he is.  But Jared, if you were to just mention him to her, ask her to maybe put his name at the top of her list-“

“I’m sorry.  I just don’t feel right about putting her in that position,” he told her, a little more firmly.  “I hope you understand.”

Donna’s eyes narrowed and her mouth flattened to thin line.  A switch had flipped inside her and all that forced southern charm was snuffed out like a light.  “I was hoping that you’d be a little more cooperative about this.  I _tried_ being nice.  But you had to be stubborn about it, didn’t you?  Just remember that you brought this on yourself.”  She dug into her purse and produced a smartphone.

Jared looked at the picture that she showed him on the screen and all the blood drained out of his face.  There was no alternate explanation possible or room for interpretation to be found in the way his lips were locked tight with Jensen’s or the way his right hand cupped Jensen’s ass.  He recognized the moment in the bathroom from Jensen’s birthday party immediately and somehow a terrible situation was a thousand times worse.  It was the moment just after they’d both said “I love you” for the first time and now that special memory was being thrust back in his face as if it were something wrong and shameful.  It hurt, but distantly like a sore spot forming in his chest that wouldn’t start aching for real until he stopped long enough to acknowledge it.  He could barely begin to process it through his shock.

“Donna, I’m sorry-“

“Oh come on now, Jared.  Don’t waste your breath.  You honestly think I didn’t know exactly what’s been going on between you and my son?”

Jared’s mind reeled.  “What?”

“Oh honey I knew exactly what was happening.  Maybe before you did I think.  I wasn’t sure about you that first time we met.  I thought maybe I could hook myself a fine young hotshot in the fashion biz, you know?  But you didn’t seem to wanna bite, so I had dear old Brian do a little digging around about you.  Low and behold you turn out to be a great big queer.”

She said that last word with venom in her voice that turned Jared’s stomach.  “What does any of this have to do with Jensen?”

“Well once I knew that it started to turn some wheels in my head.  I could tell that Jenny had a little crush on you.  But I didn’t think much of it till y’all didn’t come home that night from Miss La-De-Da’s big ol’mansion in the Hamptons. You can’t bullshit a bullshitter, Jared.  Gay or straight I know how men are.”  She curled her lips into a twisted little sneer.  “You take beautiful innocent young things and you ruin them.  As sure as rain, I knew that you were out there taking advantage of my boy.”

“I didn’t – it wasn’t like that!”

“It’s _always_ like that,” she hissed.  She stared off into the middle distance of the room, not seeing Jared at all anymore.  Her focus was drawn elsewhere, back into her own past.  “Y’all talk sweet but when it gets down to it you only want one thing.  You find some fresh young innocent still wet behind the ears and you take and you take and all you leave behind is pain and corruption.”  Then as quickly as her attention had drifted it seemed to snap right back to the present.  Her posture straightened and she cleared her throat as if clearing a cloud from her mind.  “But that’s to be expected, isn’t it?  You can’t control yourselves.  That’s like getting mad at a dog for chasing his tail.  What’s a mother to do?  There’s just no use preventing it.”  She waved one hand dismissively, as if she was already bored with the subject.  “So I let you boys have your little fun.  Hell, I practically threw Jensen at you letting him do that art shoot for you.  Then you almost messed it all up when y’all stopped talking!  That is until I had Brian track down Kerr’s number for me.  I called him and encouraged him to ask Jensen out.  Said Jensen just couldn’t stop talking about him after their shoot together.”

Anger flared white hot in Jared’s veins.  “You?  You called Kerr?  Why would you do that?”

“You aren’t paying attention, Jared.  I knew that if it wasn’t going to be you it would be someone else.  Just a matter of time really with a face like his.  Honestly I wanted it to be you.  Who knows if Jensen would have ever found another guy with connections like yours?  And he did take such a shine to you.  I figured a little touch of jealousy would be just the kick in the ass you two needed.”  She arched an eyebrow at him with a cunning gleam in her eye.  “I was right wasn’t I?”

Jared was nearly shaking with rage.  He’d never punched a woman in his life.  Never even entertained the idea.  But he was getting damn close.  “You planned all this?  You…pimped out your own son just so you could blackmail me?”

She sighed wearily.  “Like I said honey, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to.  But you’re leaving me no choice here.”  Donna put the phone back in her purse and stood.  “Now, you’re going to be a good boy and give Gloria a call and make her hire Jensen.  I don’t care what song and dance you have to give her in order to do it but you get it done.  Then I’ll let you buy these pictures from me for the bargain price of twenty-five thousand dollars and you’ll never hear another word from me about any of this.”

“And if I don’t?” Jared asked through clenched teeth.

“Then I’ll have to sell these pictures to someone who will pay.  I’m sure that at least one of your more high-profile clients would be willing to meet my terms in order to keep the fact that they’ve employed a _child molester_ out of the press.  I know that the N.Y.P.D. will be very interested in what I have to say as well.”

Jared stood to his full height, always conscious of how intimidating it could make him seem when he wasn’t even trying.  Usually he didn’t like it, but at the moment he took great pleasure in the few cautious steps that Donna took backing away from him.  “You’re a cold-hearted bitch you know that?  I’ve known alley cats that were better mothers than you.”

Her features pinched up tightly on her face.  “Just for that, you’re going to pay me fifty thousand now!  Wanna push your luck and keep insulting me?  Go ahead.  Remember sweetie, you’re the one who’s the piece of shit pervert here, not me!  You got what you wanted outta my kid.  Now I’m just making sure that he gets something in return before you move on to the next one.”

Jared balled his fists up at his sides, knuckles white with the force of his grip on the last shred of self-control he had left.  “Get the fuck out.”  

Donna turned and made for the door with quick staccato clicks of her heels across the floor.  “You’ll be hearing from me again soon, asshole.  I suggest you get your checkbook ready.”

His front door slammed shut behind her hard enough to make the wineglasses in his dish drain rattle.  Jared sank back down onto the couch and cradled his head in his hands. 

All his happy daydreams for him and Jensen seemed to evaporate into thin air.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         


	9. Part 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some bad experiences under the influences of recreational drug use. Please skip the third section if you want to avoid this subject.

It was near midnight when Jensen got a text from Jared saying that he was waiting just outside in the car.  Sleepy and confused, he threw a hoodie on over his pajama pants and slipped his sneakers on.  He had no idea why Jared was there.  They’d seen each other just hours earlier and they hadn’t made any plans to hangout that night.  His mom was out late at Brian’s.  Maybe he could convince Jared to come upstairs for a quickie.  That idea put a little more spring into his step as he bounded down the front steps of his building and hopped into the car.

“Hey,” Jensen said cheerfully, leaning over to give Jared a kiss. 

Jared ducked his head, dodging the contact.  “Hey.  We need to talk.”  He looked tense and more serious than Jensen had ever seen him.

“Okay.”  Jensen immediately felt the little hairs on the back of his neck start to rise.  It was the dead of night and the street was empty except for Jared’s car.  He understood that they had to be careful but Jared had never evaded his touch before when they were alone like this.  Something was wrong.

Jared dragged a hand down his face.  “I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it.  Your mom knows about us.”

“No.  No way.”  Jensen’s head spun and his heart raced.  “She can’t-“

“She came by my place this afternoon just after you left.  She said she knows.  Has known actually - for a long time.”

Jensen shook his head, hoping he wasn’t hearing right.  “I don’t understand.  She knew?”

“She didn’t say anything about it before because she wanted us to be together.”

 “She’s okay with it?”  Unless his mom had been replaced by some kind of alien pod-person he couldn’t imagine her handling it so well.  There was no way he could be that lucky. 

Jared sighed wearily.  “No.  She wanted us to be together so she could blackmail me.  It was a trap, Jensen.  It was all a big fucking game she was playing.”  He turned and stared out his window with a blank expression on his face.  “She has pictures of us.  Brian took them.  He must have slipped into the men’s room at your birthday party.”

This had to be some kind of crazy dream.  Any minute now he was going to wake up.  “She wouldn’t.  She wouldn’t do that.”  Would she?  Suddenly he was rethinking all the added interest that his mom had been showing his life lately.  He thought that they’d been getting closer but now he was seeing it all with new eyes.

Jared rolled his eyes in exasperation.  “Grow up, would you?  Your mom is fucking nuts!  She used you to get to me and now she’s going to ruin me if I don’t do what she wants.”

Jensen bristled at Jared’s tone.  His boyfriend had never spoken to him like that before but he put that aside for the moment.  They had to figure out what to do.  “Okay, what does she want?”

“Fifty thousand dollars and a guaranteed spot for you in Gloria’s show at Fashion Week.”

The number was too large for him to properly comprehend.  He didn’t know how much money Jared made or how wealthy his family was although from the lifestyle he lived Jensen had always assumed that it was a lot.  But this wasn’t chump change they were talking about.  And Fashion Week…there was no way that Gloria would let an amateur like him walk in her show.

“Jared, what are we going to do?”

Jared combed his hand through his hair and blew out a deep breath.  “I don’t know.  I can rearrange some funds.  Call in some favors.  Maybe get half of it together and buy us long enough to keep her quiet until I can get the rest.”

“And the show?  Maybe if you asked Gloria for a favor with that too?”

Jared turned to face him, disbelief and outrage made plain on his face.  “You’ve got to be kidding me!  That’s exactly what your mom said.  No!  No way!  Like I told her, I’m not doing that to Gloria.  If she hires you because of me word is going to get out and people are going to start asking questions about why you got special treatment.  People will figure it out and they’re going to question how much she knew about us.”  His mouth twisted in an angry scowl.  “I made this fucking mess because I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants and no matter what happens I’m not going to drag her name through the mud alongside mine!”

Jared’s words touched a nerve inside him, triggering a nagging insecurity he’d had in his own mind ever since they’d gotten together.  “So that’s what this is for you, then?  Sex that got messy?  Jensen asked, his voice flat to mask the hurt behind them.  “I get it.  You wanted to fuck me and now that you’re caught you’re thinking that this whole thing was more trouble than it was worth.  Well, I’m sorry I complicated your life.”

“That’s not what I said!”

“It’s what you meant wasn’t it?”

“No!  Stop that!  Stop twisting my words around!”  Jared shouted.  “Christ, you sound just like _her_!”

Jensen sucked in a sharp breath.  It was a low blow that he never saw coming and it left him reeling.  Blindly, he reached for the door handle.  Out.  He wanted out of there as fast as possible.

Jared went pale.  “Jensen, wait!  I’m sorry!”

“Fuck you.”

The door slammed behind him as he ran into his apartment building.  Jared just sat there in his car, making no move to follow him.

~~~

“This way!” Kerr shouted, his voice barely audible above the music. 

Jensen could feel the bass vibrating deep in his chest.  His eyes darted around in the dark cavernous room expecting a security guard to come out of the tightly packed crowd any minute and grab him.  The fake ID that Kerr had given him to use had worked so far but he still felt like a trespasser. 

He followed Kerr as he wove through the press of people towards the bar.  Maybe this was a mistake.  He’d just wanted to get out of the apartment for the day so he wouldn’t have to face his mother.  That was a conversation he was definitely not ready for just yet.  In desperation, he’d called Kerr who had let him tag along on a few go-sees he had scheduled and then taken him to dinner.  He didn’t tell Kerr why he’d wanted to hangout all of a sudden and Kerr thankfully hadn’t asked.  He seemed more than happy to entertain Jensen now that he was given the chance.

“What do you want to drink?” Kerr asked, leaning in close so he could be heard over the noise of the club.

Jensen felt the tickle of Kerr’s breath against his ear and he flinched away.  “Um, I don’t know.  Whatever you’re having I guess.”

Kerr nodded and turned away to order their drinks.  Jensen looked around.  The club was awash in neon green laser lights and the heady scent of sweaty hot young things writhing against each other.  Scantily clad men and women danced inside clear Plexiglas boxes on either side of the main stage where the DJ held dominion over the crowd like a futuristic god reigning over his disciples. 

“Here, try this,” Kerr said, handing him a shot glass of black liquid.  “Jaeger.  It tastes kinda like licorice.”

“I don’t like licorice.”

Kerr rolled his eyes.  “Just drink it all in one go and the taste won’t last long.”

Jensen downed it in one gulp.  It tasted like licorice and cough medicine and it burned as it flowed down his throat.  “That’s terrible!” he coughed.

Kerr drank his shot, screwing up his face as he swallowed.  “It’s effective. Hold on, we need more.”  He leaned over the bar and waved the bartender over for another round.  Jensen started to protest but he was cut off by an insistent tap on his shoulder. 

“How the fuck did you get in here?”

Jensen froze.  Shit, he was going to get thrown out after all.  He turned expecting to see one of the bouncers glaring down at him but instead he found himself face to face with Justin Hartley. 

“Justin?  Hey, how’s it going?”

Justin shrugged, his lips curling into a lazy smile.  “Excellent, my man.  Excellent as always.  Heard you’ve been doing all right for yourself.  I saw your Hudson campaign in Details.  It was pretty dope.”

Jensen was really proud of those pictures.  It was probably his biggest booking so far and he was more than a little surprised that Justin was actually complimenting him on it.  The last time they’d seen each other he’d been such a prick.  “Um, thanks.  Thanks a lot.  How about you?  What have you been up to?”

“I did a pilot – trying to get back into my acting vibe.  Looks like USA is going to pick it up.”  Justin smiled as a tall willowy brunette came up behind him and placed her hand on the sleeve of his pale pink dress shirt.  “Jensen, this is Karina.  Karina, this is Jensen.  She’s a YMI Jeans model.”

Karina extended her hand.  “Привет.”

“That’s Russian for “Hi”,” Justin informed him.  “So, you here with anybody?”

Jensen looked around and saw Kerr still standing at the bar.  He was talking to some guy with a buzz cut and a silver barbell through his eyebrow.  Rather than any feeling of jealously that he might have had, it was a relief to see that he was occupied with someone else for the moment. 

“Well I came here with Kerr.  Remember him?  But we’re not together or anything.  I’m seeing somebody else.”  Were he and Jared even still together?  Jensen wasn’t sure anymore and the thought made him a little sick to his stomach.  “I mean I think I am.  I don’t know.  I guess it’s kinda over.”  God, why was he spilling his guts to Justin-fucking-Hartley all of a sudden?  Like he gave a shit.  “Whatever.  I just wanted to go out tonight and not think about it.”

“No problem,” Justin said with a careless wave of his hand.  “You came to the right place, kid.  Not thinking is my area of expertise.”  He whispered something in Karina’s ear.  She smiled and pulled a little red pill out of her clutch. 

Jensen took it from her and examined it in his palm.  It was round and it had a Superman logo stamped on it.  “What is this?” he asked Justin.

“Something that’s going to make you feel fucking awesome.  Believe me it will get you where you want to be a lot faster than the booze will.”

Jensen wasn’t sure what do to.  He liked the idea of getting out of his own head for a little while.  That’s why he wanted to go to the bar in the first place.  But he had never taken any kind of drug in his life and he was nervous about what it might do to him.  “Are you sure this stuff is okay?”

Justin put an arm around Katrina.  “Sure.  We both took one about twenty minutes ago.  It’s all good.”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”  Jensen wondered out loud.  It was just so unlike the arrogant asshole he thought he knew.

Justin shrugged.  “Call it an apology for being a dick to you before.  No hard feelings?”

The little red Superman pill looked so innocent in Jensen’s hand.  Like a children’s chewable vitamin.  How bad could it really be if Justin and his girlfriend had taken it too?  “No hard feelings.  We’re cool.”  Jensen popped the pill into his mouth and swallowed.

“Alright,” Justin smiled.  “Now it’s a fucking party.”

~~~

A few hours later, Jensen felt like he was dying.  The music was throbbing through the soles of his feet right into his veins.  Sweat poured from his body and his heart was trying to jackhammer through his ribcage.  Panic was starting to set in.  He wanted off of this ride but he didn’t know how to stop it. 

Justin and Karina were dancing a few feet away from him totally lost in their own private world.  Well it might have been dancing but it also could have been full out sex.  Jensen wasn’t sure but he thought they should probably be charging people to watch. 

At first he’d felt amazing.  About an hour after he’d taken the pill he felt the effect start to hit him and it was like a liquid slide into a great big pool of Happy.  He was moving on the dance floor like a thing possessed just enjoying the feel of his own body.  Young and alive and sensual.  He felt connected to all the other people around him like they were individual parts of one organism that breathed and moved and emanated a kind of collective bliss he’d never experienced with anyone but Jared.  Then his personal rollercoaster took a sharp left turn and he felt himself careening out of control.  The more he thought about how messed up he was the more acute his internal freakout became. 

He looked around for Kerr and caught sight of him near the DJ booth trying to swallow Eyebrow Ring Guy’s tongue.  Clearly he’d forgotten about Jensen in favor of an easier lay.  That was fine, Jensen decided.  He’d been a shitty friend to Kerr so he didn’t blame him for it.  Leading him on and only going to him when he needed something.  Jensen thought about that and then thought about maybe sitting in the corner for a while until he didn’t feel quite so ashamed of himself. 

He weaved through the crowd, a frenetic blur of color and twisted shapes.  He was trying to find a habitable corner for himself when someone grabbed him from behind.

“Hey!  C’mere!  C’mere, pretty boy.  Dance with me.”  The hand which currently had a deathgrip on Jensen’s wrist was thick-fingered and hairy.  The face of the man that it belonged to wasn’t much better. 

“Let go of me!”  Jensen struggled to shake him off.  The man yanked Jensen backward sharply, catching him off balance.  Jensen tripped, slamming into the guy’s meaty chest. 

The stranger was so drunk that he almost stumbled before he righted himself again and wrapped an arm around Jensen, pinning him place before he could get away.  His other hand pawed at Jensen’s ass.  “Come on, baby.  Stay a while,” he said, breath reeking of vodka.  “I wanna see what those cocksucker lips of yours can do.”

Jensen felt the bile rise in this throat.  “Get the fuck off of me!” he shouted, shoving the guy as hard as he could until he could get his arms free from his hold.  The animal part of his brain screamed through the crazy jumble of drugs and fear for him to protect himself and fight.  On that instinct alone his fist shot out and connected with the guy’s nose.

The man fell, knocking into several people and cursing a blue streak.  The heads of two big burly bouncers shot up on alert like hounds on the hunt and they made a beeline straight for Jensen.

Jensen saw them coming and ran, jostling roughly through the crowd desperate for escape.  He found a door and pushed against it hard, so hard in fact that he fell forward when it gave way and he tumbled outside into the alleyway.  It slammed shut behind him and suddenly the near-deafening thump thump thump heartbeat of the music was just a harmless muffled rhythm behind it. 

~~~

Jensen lay where he fell outside the club, gasping for breath.  It might have been five minutes or it might have been fifty for all he knew.  His stomach was threatening to turn itself inside out.  He was alone and scared and shivering uncontrollably as the night air quickly cooled his sweat-drenched skin.  He knew he needed help and there was only one person who he knew could make everything okay again.

The fingers of his right hand were swollen and didn’t want to cooperate but with some effort he managed to drag his phone out of his pocket and dial.

Jared picked up before the second ring even ended.  “Jensen?”

“Jay!”  Jensen’s voice broke and relief overwhelmed him just at the sound of Jared’s voice.  Tears streamed down from the corners of his eyes and fell onto the pavement underneath him.

“Jensen?  Are you okay?  What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry, okay?  I don’t want it to be over.  _Please_.”  Everything was so fucked up. They were so happy.  Why did everything have to get so fucked up?

“Baby, calm down.  Tell me what happened.”  Jared’s voice was steady and reassuring.

Jensen took a deep breath to steady himself.  “I went out to a club with Kerr cause I was mad at you.  But nothing happened I swear!  I’m really fucking sorry, Jay.”

There was a beat of silence and then Jared’s voice was back as steady as before.  “It’s okay.  It’s okay.  That’s not important right now.  What else?  How much did you have to drink?”

Jensen shook his head emphatically even though Jared wasn’t there to see him do it.  “No, nothing!  Just one shot.  But then I saw Justin and his girlfriend gave me a pill and I think maybe it was bad or something because I feel like shit right now.”  He rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palm.  “Some asshole grabbed me.  He was touching me and I didn’t want him to so I punched him.  I think I broke his nose.”

There was a rustle on the other end of the line like something had been knocked over.  “Okay.  I’m coming to get you right now,” Jared said.  “Tell me what club you’re at and I’ll come get you.”

Jensen looked at the stamp on his hand and read off the name.  “I’m outside by the backdoor.  I think it’s the backdoor.”

“Good.  Just stay on the line with me and don’t move until I get there.  Promise?”

“I promise.”  Jensen’s eyes started to flood with tears again.  Shame burned hot and thick in this throat, choking off his words. “Jay, please.  I love you, okay?  I’m trying.  I’m growing up as fast as I can.  Just a few more months.  Please, I need you.  You just gotta wait for me to catch up.”

He passed out before he could hear Jared’s reply.


	10. Part 10

Jared sat on the edge of his bed watching Jensen sleep and quietly berating himself as he reran the transcript of their fight in his head.  He was fucking this up and it was hurting the one person that he’d always wanted to protect.  How did they get here?

Jensen stirred, blinking owlishly at the light that was peeking in through the curtains and smacked his lips together, grimacing at the dry stickiness.  He looked over at Jared and curled himself toward him.  “Hey.”

“Hey,” Jared replied.  “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty gross.”  Jensen extended his arm out across the bedspread and rested his fingertips against Jared’s knee.  “I’m sorry about last night.”

Jared picked his hand up and held it between his own, rubbing the back of it with his thumb gently.  It looked so small and pale.  When he thought about what could have happened he almost couldn’t breathe.  “You really scared the shit out of me you know,” he said, finding himself tearing up as he spoke his greatest fear out loud.  “You were out cold when I got to you and for just a moment I thought…I thought…”  He ducked his head to press a kiss to Jensen's hand, warm and blessedly alive.  “But then you rolled over and threw up on my shoes and I was so freakin’ happy about it because I knew then that’d you be okay.”  He laughed at the ridiculousness of how it sounded in spite of himself and locked eyes with Jensen who was smiling a little now too.

“Sorry.  I don’t even remember that.  I guess that’s why my mouth tastes like kitty litter.”  His smile evaporated as he stared up at Jared’s face.  “I didn’t mean to scare you.  I’ll never do anything like that again, I promise.”

With his vision going watery again, Jared curled up on the bed facing Jensen so that they were eye to eye.  He held Jensen’s hand against his heart and prepared to lay himself bare.  “I’m sorry about what I said when we fought.  I didn’t mean it.  I was freaking out and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.  And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I’m only in this for sex.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Yes, I saw you and I wanted you.  But that’s not even a fraction of it.  Before we ever got together like that I was falling in love with you because of who you are.  All those nights on the phone with you – it was just so easy, you know?  You were so open and unguarded.  It made me feel like I could be that way too and I love that you showed me that.  I like myself better being with you.  I don’t want to lose that.  I don’t want to lose you.”

Tears rolled down Jensen’s cheeks.  “I don’t want to lose you either.”  He scooted closer on the bed, burying his face against Jared’s chest.  “What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know, but we’re going to figure it out together.”

~~~

After Jensen had showered and dressed in an old pair of Jared’s sweatpants, they moved down to the kitchen where Jared made himself busy cooking up some pancakes.  Jensen needed something substantial in his stomach and going through the motions of the mundane task helped him think.  He really didn’t have the kind of money that Donna was demanding just lying around.  He could come up about half but it would take time.  He could get it faster if he asked his parents for a loan but that would raise questions that he would require him to lie.  He didn’t want to do that but it might be the only way.

“Here you go, eat up,” he said, placing a stack of pancakes in front of Jensen.

“Thanks.”

They sat together at the kitchen island as they ate, both of them lost in thought.  Finally, Jared decided to offer an idea that had occurred to him while Jensen had been sleeping.  “You could try out you know…for Gloria’s show.”

Jensen looked up from his plate, staring at Jared like he’d lost his mind.  “So I could be publicly humiliated when her staff laughs me out of the office?  No, thanks.”

“No listen - it’s an open casting call.  They want fresh faces.  That’s the whole point.  You’ll have just as good a chance at a spot as anybody,” Jared assured him.  “Better.  Because you’re good, Jen.  You don’t need help from me or anyone else to impress Gloria’s people.”

A hesitant smile crept across Jensen’s face.  “You really think so?  Honest?”

Jared drew an X over his heart.  “Honest.  Then whatever they decide at least you can know that you gave it a shot on your own terms.”

“What if it doesn’t work though?  What if I don’t get hired?  Brian will find out and report back to my mom that you didn’t do what she wanted.”

Jared pushed his plate aside, no longer interested in food, and folding his hands on the tabletop.  “The show isn’t until September.  Gloria will be casting for the new line for at least the next three weeks.  If you don’t get a call back after the first week then I’ll borrow the money from my folks.  Hopefully that will satisfy your mom long enough for us to figure out how I’m going to approach Gloria about hiring you directly.

“No, Jay.  I don’t want you to do that.  I don’t want you to have to drag your family into this.”

“I’m sure I won’t have to.  You’re going to get it.”  He reached for Jensen’s hand, still not quite able to go long without touching him.  “And I’ve got news for you.  As far as I’m concerned, you’re part of my family now too.  I’m sorry it took almost losing you to make me see it, but it’s true.  I’m going to do whatever it takes to make sure that we get through this okay.

Jensen got up and rounded the island to hug him.  He fit himself in between Jared’s knees and circled his arms around Jared’s neck.  “I love you so much.  No one has ever…”  He ducked his head, momentarily overcome.  “What you said before...that you like yourself better being with me.  I feel the same way.  I like myself better when I’m with you.  I’ve done so much more than I ever thought I could because you believed in me.”  Jensen leaned up and kissed him, soft and chaste.  “And that’s why I can’t let you do this for me.  Not any of it.”

Jared pulled back in disbelief.  The look on Jensen’s face was unquestionably resolute.  “But, Jensen-“

“No,” he insisted.  “She’s my mother and she used me to hurt you.  I’m not going to sit by and let her make me her pawn.  Not anymore.  I’m going to stand up to her.  I’m going to make her stop and end all of this right now.”

Jared’s heart swelled with pride.  All of a sudden the boy he loved was becoming his own man.  “Okay.  Whatever you need – just say the word.”

~~~

Jensen walked up the stairs to his apartment like a man about to meet the guillotine.  Jared had been adamant about coming with him so that he wouldn’t have to confront his mother alone.  The whole drive over from his place to the Bronx, Jared had tried to reason with him about it.  Jensen appreciated what Jared was trying to do for him - he really did - but he wanted to do this on his own.  It was going to be ugly and as much as Jared wanted to protect him, Jensen wanted to protect him too.  With a kiss for luck, he’d waved goodbye as Jared’s car disappeared down the street.  Now that he was pulling his keys out of his pocket, preparing himself to face his mother, he wished he hadn’t been so stubborn about it.

He opened the door to the apartment and saw his mother standing by the window in her bathrobe smoking a cigarette.  She looked pale and harried with fine tendrils of smoke curling around her head.  It was a rare enough sight that it made Jensen feel momentarily guilty about worrying her.

Her head whipped around at the sound of the door creaking shut behind him.  “Where the hell have you been?” she demanded.  “You look like shit.”

The icy tone in her voice hit him like a splash of cold water.  “You know where I’ve been.”

Donna’s mouth tightened into a thin line and she cocked her chin up at him, defenses on full alert.  “I take it that he told you about our deal.”

“It’s blackmail,” he corrected her as calmly as he could.  “And there’s no deal.  He’s not doing it.”

“You see!” she shouted, pointing at him with her cigarette still trapped between her fingers.  “I knew he was a black-hearted bastard just like all the rest of them.  Vultures!  That’s what they are.  I did you a favor, honey.  I saw this coming a mile away.  If he wanted to do right by you he would’ve done what I told him, wouldn’t he?  But no, he wants to play hardball.  Thinks he can push the whole thing aside and we won’t say boo about it.  Well if he thinks he can weasel out of this and leave us high and dry – “

“Stop it!” Jensen yelled, bringing her rant to halt.  “He’s not leaving me and he’s not trying to weasel out of anything.  He’s not doing it because I won’t let him.”

“What the hell are you talking about?  Are you out of your fucking mind?” Donna smashed her cigarette out into the dirt of a mostly-dead geranium that was on the windowsill.  “After everything that I’ve done to make this happen for you?”

“You did this for you!” he retorted.  “You didn’t give a damn about me or how I feel.  How could you do this to me, Mom?  You sold me out to get his money and his connections!  Tell yourself whatever fucked up story that you want but you’re not fooling me that all this was for my sake.”

“You don’t know anything about it,” she said, pacing away from him angrily.  “You don’t know the ways of the world yet like I do.  These things always end badly.  They use you and then they leave you empty-handed.  It’s just a matter of time.”  She rounded on him, her anger giving way to desperation.  “Please, sweetheart.  Try to understand.  I wanted better for you than I had.”

Jensen looked at her and saw the broken young girl that she once was.  The vulnerability that she kept hidden so well behind her hard exterior.  For the first time in his life he really pitied her.  “I’m sorry, Mom.  I’m sorry that think that way because it’s not true and it’s a sad way to live to your life.  Not everyone is like that.  Jared isn’t like Dad.  He loves me.”

Donna flinched hard at the mention of his father.  Those wounds were old but in her mind they were still as raw as if it had all happened yesterday.  “Shut up!  Don’t you dare speak to me about that man.”  She sat down on the couch, folding her arms in front of herself and looked away from him.  When she spoke again her voice was stubbornly measured as if she was explaining it to him like he was still a child.  “You’re too young to see it yet but when it’s all said and done you’ll thank me for making sure that you get what you deserve out of our dear Jared while you still can.  You’ll have _me_ to thank when you’re walking the runway at Bryant Park.”

“You think you know everything, don’t you?  Well, if you think that I’m going to let you do this then you don’t know me!” Jensen shouted at her in outrage.  “I’m not like you!  I know the difference between right and wrong!  It’s wrong to take something that you haven’t earned, no matter how much you think you deserve it. It's wrong to take advantage of people. I’m not going to let you or anyone else take advantage of Jared because I love him.  And I’m not going to Fashion Week until I’ve earned my spot." 

Donna stared up at him in shock.  “But you have to!  You have to!  You can’t just throw that kind of opportunity away!”

“I’m not throwing anything away,” he tossed back.  “Unlike _you_ , Jared believes in me enough to think that I won’t need to cheat to get there. I will get there, Mom. When I'm ready and on my own terms."

She stiffened, coiling in on herself.  “Fine.  You wanna roll the dice with your career then that’s fine, you go right on ahead.  You’ll have no one to blame for it but yourself.  But you’re not going to ruin this for me,” she warned.  “This isn’t just about the damn show.  I need that money, Jensen.  I’m not getting any younger.”  She tossed her hair back like they both didn’t know how much it cost her to admit that out loud.  “I’m not pulling in the same kinds of tips that I used to at the bar and Brian’s wife is breathing down his neck over every damn penny.  That well is almost tapped dry.  Don’t you care about what happens to me at all?”  Her eyes flashed with cold contempt, cutting him to the quick with laser-like precision.  He had to hand it to her, even though she was backed into a corner she was still able to make him feel like something she’d found under a rock.

“How could you even say that to me?”  He bit inside of his cheek, willing himself not to cry in front of her.  “Of course I care.”  And he did.  Even after everything she’d done she was still his mother and that fact was something that he’d never escape.

“Then you’ll make him give me the money,” she said, her voice taking on a wheedling tone like she could sense his resolve weakening.  “You tell him to give me the money and I’ll make all of this unpleasantness go away like it never happened.  You have your fun with him and when it’s over I’ll be here for you.  We’ll be just fine you and me, like we always are.”

There it was.  After everything, she was still angling to manipulate him into getting her way.  Keeping him tethered to her like an obedient puppy that she could train into submission.  Twisting his mind around until he was as cold and broken inside as she was.  In one terrifying moment he saw the life that she’d planned out for him in startling clarity and it sickened him.  If he was ever going to have a chance for happiness he’d have to put an end to it now.

“No.  I’m sorry but I’m not going to do that,” he said firmly.  “This is what’s going to happen.  You’ll get your money but it’s not going to come from Jared, it’s going to come from me.”

“But-“

“No!” he shouted, cutting her off.  “It’s probably going to take me a long time to do it but I’m going to work my ass off and take every job that I can find and that still probably won’t be enough but I’ll do it because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to let you hang this over Jared’s head!  And what’s more - no matter what happens with Jared and I, there’s just no way that I’m going to stay here with you anymore.  Not after what you did.”

Donna’s face went white as a sheet.  She grabbed at the collar of her bathrobe, clutching the sides of the worn terrycloth together in her fist like she could physically shield herself with it from the sting of his words.  “You wouldn’t,” she said, panic making her voice tremble.  “You can’t!  You can’t just abandon me like that.  I’m your mother!”

“I’m not doing this to hurt you.  I just can’t live like this.  Do you have any idea how your little scheme made me feel?  I’ve been going through hell because of what you did.  I almost lost everything I’ve ever wanted because of you.”

Donna’s eyes filled with tears.  “Jenny baby, please.  I’m sorry.  Don’t leave me.”

“I can’t trust you and I’m not going to be around you if I can’t trust you.”  Jensen turned and opened the door.  He knew that he was about to make all of his mother’s worst fears come true and he couldn’t help how much it was breaking his own heart to do so.

“Don’t!” she begged.  “Please.  Not you too.  I can’t take you leaving me too.  You’re all I have left.”

Jensen stopped with his hand on the knob and looked back at her.  “If you want my trust back I need you to show me you mean it.  Delete those pictures and leave Jared alone.  Then maybe we can talk.”

“I will.  I promise I will.  Just don’t shut me out.  I need you, sweetheart.”  His mother wiped away the tears that were falling down her cheeks with the sleeve of her robe.  It was the most vulnerable that he’d seen her since the last time his father had walked out their front door.

“I need a real mom,” he said, his own voice thick with unshed tears.  “Maybe someday you can be that for me.”

Jensen walked out, shutting the door behind him.  He could hear his mother’s muffled sobs and it took everything he had to keep going.  He hadn’t thought any of this through.  He just knew that he couldn’t be there with her, for her, not right now.  Not if he wanted a chance to live his own life.

He’d call Jared on the way to the subway and ask if he could crash with him for a few days until he could figure out what to do next.  He didn’t have anything with him but the clothes on his back but he wasn’t going to change his mind now no matter what happened.  He was free.

“Jensen!”

His feet had barely hit the sidewalk when he heard Jared call his name.  Jensen looked up and saw him leaning against his car, hands shoved in his pockets.  He looked tired and worried.  To Jensen's eyes, he was the most heartbreakingly beautiful thing in the world.

“I thought you’d gone,” Jensen said, completely awestruck.

“Nah.  Just went once around the block so you’d think I had,” he replied.  “I told you I wasn’t going to leave you, didn’t I?” He shrugged, like it wasn’t absolutely everything.  “So?  How bad?”

“I love you,” Jensen blurted out.  His brain didn’t seem to want to cooperate anymore.  After everything that had been said and done in the last 24 hours it had apparently reached critical mass, done a hard reset and reverted to its most basic functions.  JensenLovesJared.exe

Jared smiled at him ruefully.  “That bad, huh?”  He straightened up and held his arms open wide, offering a hug.  In broad daylight.  For God and everyone to see.

Jensen didn’t even realize he had moved until he was latched around Jared’s waist, holding him tightly.  “I left her up there crying,” he said, pressing his cheek to Jared’s chest.  “I don’t think she’s going to bother us anymore.  She promised she wouldn’t anyway.  I guess we’ll see.”  Jensen sniffled, emotionally exhausted beyond measure.  “I told her off, Jay.  I made her cry and then I walked out on her.”  The tears that had been threatening to fall finally did, making damp spots on Jared’s shirt.  “I’m a pretty shitty son.”

“Hey,” Jared said, grabbing Jensen’s shoulders and holding him back at arm’s length so he could look him in the eye.  “You’re not.  I’m sure you did the best you could.  Any way you slice it this was going to be rough.”  He moved his hand to the back of Jensen’s neck and rubbed his thumb over the soft skin behind Jensen’s ear, subtly affectionate.  “Come on.  Let’s go home.”

Jensen wiped his eyes and nodded, turning with Jared back towards the car.  He opened the car door and looked up to his mother’s window.  It was empty except for the dried up geranium.

“You okay?” Jared asked him once they were both inside.

“Not really,” he replied, giving him a wobbly smile. 

Jared didn’t say a word.  He just started the car, settling one hand on the steering wheel and picking up Jensen’s hand with the other to link comfortably with his.

The neighborhood whizzed by as Jared drove them through the narrow congested streets.  Jensen stared out his window, thinking about how much his life had changed since that first moment that he’d stepped in front of Jared’s camera.  Despite all the ups and downs they’d somehow survived it together and were stronger for it.

Maybe he wasn’t okay just yet.  He and his mom had a rocky road ahead of them before he’d ever be able to trust her again and the future of his career in modeling was promising but not yet certain.  But that would be whatever it would be.  He wasn’t anxious about the unknowns or scared of them anymore. 

Whatever the future held for him, he knew that he’d be just fine as long as he had Jared by his side.

~~~

_Six months later…_

Jared was in the darkroom hanging some film he’d just processed on the drying rack.  He’d been trying something new - manipulating the medium by scratching the film, painting it, and dipping it in various chemicals to create abstract effects over the image.  He wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out yet but he was excited by the potential.  Trish was already quietly putting out feelers around the local galleries to create some buzz about his new project.  Always two steps ahead of him.

“Jay?  I’m home!”

Jensen.  The sound was muffled through the thick light-tight door but unmistakable.  Jared grinned - almost a Pavlovian response by now to his boyfriend’s voice - and stepped out to greet him.

“Hey!  How was school?”

Jensen had already dropped his backpack on the kitchen island and was rooting through the tall cabinets looking for something to snack on.  It was becoming part of his daily routine.  Since he’d moved in almost six months ago Jared’s candy stash had to be restocked twice as fast as usual.  Caught in the act, Jensen looked over the shoulder of his outstretched arm at Jared with a guilty smile and a Twizzler hanging out of his mouth.  “S’good,” he said, somewhat garbled by the candy as he chewed and swallowed it down.  The hem of his dark grey Henley was riding up, exposing a pale stretch of skin at the top of his jeans. 

Jared licked his lips.  He knew what that skin tasted like and he was ready for an afternoon snack himself.  He moved to stand behind Jensen, sliding his hands around narrow hips to rest just under his belly button.  He kissed him in that soft spot behind his ear and felt the shiver that ran through Jensen’s young body reverberate against his own.  “Tell me about it.”

Jensen covered Jared's hands with his and leaned back into him comfortably.  “Well, Day Three was pretty much the same as Day’s One and Two.  Classes, lunch, more classes.  I can already tell that I’m going to hate physics but English class was pretty cool.  We get to pick our own book for the first paper.  I think I’m going with _East of Eden_.”

They’d talked about it and talked about it and ultimately decided that the best thing for Jensen would be to put his modeling on the back burner for a while so that he could finish high school.  Donna had been unsure at first but when she’d seen how much Jensen wanted some sense of normalcy in his life she’d agreed.  Their relationship was still on thin ice but she seemed to be making a concerted effort which had Jensen hopeful.  He was still booking jobs when he could so that he could help her with her bills – all the while refusing to let Jared help no matter how many times he insisted that he wanted to - but now his education was taking first priority which was as it should be.  Enrolling in public school for his senior year had been another big step but Jensen had been excited about the prospect of making new friends.  He seemed to be taking all the new changes in stride. 

Jared on the other hand had been a nervous wreck for him that whole first day.  Trish eventually had just sighed and given up all hope of getting him to focus on work.  They’d spent the rest of the day watching guilty pleasure high school comedy movies on his couch until Jensen had come home.

“No regrets so far?” Jared asked.

“None.”  Jensen reached up behind him and pulled Jared’s head down for a kiss. 

It was an awkward angle, but Jensen tasted like candy and his ass was pressing back into Jared’s crotch in a way that had all the blood in Jared’s head rushing south.  He licked the sweetness from that perfect mouth as he shoved one hand into down into Jensen’s jeans and the other up under his shirt to find Jensen’s left nipple.

Jensen moaned against Jared’s lips, arching his back wantonly in pleasure.  He broke their kiss so that he could unzip his jeans, letting them fall off his hips and down to the floor right there in the kitchen.  His briefs followed not a second later.

Jared chuckled happily and kissed his neck.  He stroked Jensen’s cock to full hardness, now unfettered by clothes.  “I’m just guessing here but I think you want sex.”

Jensen let his head loll back against Jared’s shoulder and squeezed his eyes shut, letting Jared take him over completely.  “You started it,” he said, breathing heavily.

Jared stared over Jensen’s shoulder down the length of his body, watching every motion as he jacked his boyfriend’s cock.  He had been going through a late stage growth spurt over the last few months and Jared had noticed him getting taller and broader.  Bigger – in more ways than one.  He didn’t think it was possible but it made Jared want him even more and now in a whole new way.

They hadn’t talked about it yet.  Maybe Jensen wouldn’t be interested in changing things up, but Jared really hoped that he would be.  “Jen, would you fuck me?” he whispered, his breath hot against Jensen’s ear.

Jensen whimpered as his cock jumped in Jared’s hand, shockwaves of arousal rushing outwards through his body in a matter of seconds until he was shaking against Jared’s chest.  “Yes,” he panted.  “Oh god, yes.  Please, Jay.  Let me do it.”

Jared released his cock and spun Jensen around to kiss him properly.  Tender with gratitude.  Deep and thorough.  Until both of them were drunk with it.  “Let’s take this upstairs.”

Various articles of clothing were lost one by one as they chased each other up to the bedroom, stripping themselves naked as they went.  They collapsed in a heap on the bed, Jared letting Jensen fall on top of him.  He hadn’t bottomed in a long time but he found himself aching for it now with Jensen’s weight pressing down on him.  He wanted to give this last part of himself to Jensen and be Jensen’s first in this way too. 

Jensen rutted against him, rubbing their cocks together.  “Oh fuck, Jay.  Want you so bad.”

Jared rolling his hips up in counterpoint increasing the friction.  Jensen was so beautiful.  Hot and hard and breathtakingly beautiful down to the fabric of his soul.  “Come on, baby.  I need it.  Need you.”  He reached over and grabbed the bottle of lube off of the nightstand, pressing it into Jensen’s hand.   “Gotta work me open, okay?  Just like I do for you.”

Jensen took it from him and nodded, licking his lips nervously.  “Okay.  Okay, I can do that.”

Jared gave him a quick kiss to reassure him.  “Don’t worry.  You’re not going to hurt me.  I trust you.”

Jensen smiled and began kissing and licking his way down Jared’s torso.  When he got to Jared’s cock he stopped just long enough to settle down onto his stomach in between his splayed legs.  He coated the fingers of one hand with lube and reached down to rub against Jared’s hole.  With his free hand he slid Jared’s dick into his mouth, sucking him lightly.

Jared moaned and bent his legs up at the knees, spreading himself open to give Jensen better access.  Fuck he was a quick learner.  It was all he could do to stop himself from thrusting up into Jensen’s mouth. 

Jensen slipped one finger inside him, moving it slowly at first but more confidently when Jared encouraged him on. 

“Good, baby.  Just like that.  Feels really fucking good.  Go head.  I can take another.”  They had to speed this up or else Jared was going to come too soon the way Jensen was working him over with pleasurable sensations now coming from all sides.

Obediently, Jensen added a second finger in next to the first.  He suckled Jared’s cock, wet and messy like a popsicle as his concentration shifted to what his hand was doing.

“Ah, yeah.”  Jared grabbed the back of his knees and pulled them back farther, taking Jensen’s fingers deeper.  His body seemed to remember and respond to that feeling of intrusion, opening for it naturally.  He did finger himself occasionally when he jerked off so it was no surprise.  But it was a whole different level of awesome when it was Jensen doing it for him.  They should have done this a long time ago.   He’d almost forgotten how much he liked it when it was good like this.  Holy fuck was it good.  “More,” he panted, desperate now as he could feel the warm flush growing under his skin. 

When Jensen added another finger Jared felt that old familiar burn and grunted as he forced himself to relax.  This was more than he was used to now but despite the momentary discomfort it still felt good.  Getting better by the second.

Jensen stilled his hand and let Jared’s cock slide out of his mouth, his mouth and chin sloppy with spit.  “You okay?’

“Yeah, I’m okay.  Just been a while.  Don’t stop,” Jared said.  “You’re doing so good, baby.”  He started fucking himself down against Jensen’s fingers, focusing on the pleasure of that fullness.

Jensen hiked himself up on his knees and grabbed his cock, jacking himself hard and fast as he watched Jared’s body swallow up his fingers.  “Oh my god, Jay.  You feel so tight.  Wanna fuck you.  Please.”

Jared nodded, knowing that neither of them could hold out any longer.  “Okay.  Do it.  I’m ready.”

Jensen withdrew his fingers and poured more lube over them, maybe a little too much.  He spread it over his cock with a few quick strokes and then lined it up with Jared’s hole.  When he pressed in, slipping the head inside that tight ring of muscle, he squeezed his eyes shut and let his mouth fall open on a silent groan. 

Jared stared up at him, memorizing the look of exquisite pleasure on his face.  The first time he'd felt the tight heat of another body encasing his dick.  Jared felt uniquely blessed to be the one to give that to him.  Then Jensen slid his cock in deeper, slowly filling him in a long slow thrust all the way until he was buried to the hilt, and Jared lost all capacity for higher level thought.  “Oh fuck, yes,” he babbled desperately.  “Christ you feel so good, baby.  I knew it.  I knew you would.” 

He reached up and pulled Jensen down on top of him, blanketing himself with Jensen’s body.  The movement shifted Jensen’s dick inside him, forcing a moan out of them both.  Jared wrapped his arms around him and kissed him, making love to Jensen’s mouth. 

Jensen kissed him back and began to move his hips, fucking into him slowly as he explored the sensation.  He was whimpering softly in this throat and his muscles were trembling as they flexed and stretched with tightly bottled energy.

Jared’s cock was trapped between their stomachs, rubbing against Jensen’s with each forward motion of his hips.  It was tortuously good but he needed more to finish.  He kissed his way along Jensen’s jawline and grabbed his hand, guiding it to his dick in silent instruction of what he wanted.

Eager to please, Jensen starting stroking him as he increased the speed of his thrusts.  “Like this?” he asked, breathlessly.

“Yes!” Jared cried out.  “Don’t stop.  M’so fucking close.”  He could feel it building to a peak low in his belly, muscles coiling tight like a spring ready to let loose.  “Come on, baby.  Want you to come in my ass.  I wanna feel it.”

Jensen bit his bottom lip and let himself go, pistoning his hips and fucking Jared with wild abandon.  He screamed Jared’s name as he came, hard enough that he was shaking with the force of it.

More by accident than by design, Jensen’s cock brushed Jared’s prostate as it pulsed inside him.  That electric jolt of sensitivity coupled with the warm flood of Jensen’s release filling him sent Jared spiraling over the edge.  He spurted milky bursts of come over his own stomach as he climaxed, feeling the rush of it roll over him like a landslide.

When the sex haze inside his brain finally dissipated and his heartbeat slowed down to something nearing human again he blinked his vision back into focus and surveyed the damage.

Jensen was a heavy sprawl of sweat-damp skin and boneless limbs splayed like a starfish, completely fucked out and laying half on top of him.  He must have pulled out at some point but Jared had quite possibly been blacked out on a post-orgasm high at the time.  The only way that he could tell that Jensen was even still alive was the gentle rise and fall of his breath and the thin line of drool that was pooling out of his mouth and onto Jared’s shoulder.  A little gross, but so goddamn adorable that Jared didn’t have the heart to move him and wake him from such a well-deserved catnap. 

Jared wasn’t in a much better state – possibly worse if that feeling in his ass was any indication. If they stayed like that much longer they were going to be plastered together in ways too unpleasant to think about but he really couldn’t care less.  Naptime sounded like the best idea he’d ever had.

He drifted off to sleep under Jensen’s warmth feeling nothing but happiness glowing white and pure, lighting him up from the inside out.

~fin~


End file.
